jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
1. Life doesn't give you seat belts (but they're a good idea anyway)
2. Everyone loves lobster thermidor.
3. Octogenarians can be superheroes too.
4. Orphans gotta stick together.
5. Sometimes "I hate you" is the nicest thing to say.

Overall it's not quite as good as the LEGO Movie, but that's only because they opted to ease back from the Joke-Every-Ten-Seconds format to actually try for some emotional depth. Which leads to...

6. Out of SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS of screen adaptations of Batman, this is the only one where he ACTUALLY DEALS WITH HIS DAMNED PROBLEMS
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
A short little scene from my unwritten Batman '42 serial script that's been brewing in my head, riffing off the original really, really racist and awful WWII era Batman serial.

With apologies to [ profile] siderea for having a character do a psychological analysis without directly interviewing the subject...

* * *

SCENE: In the Joker’s lair after his latest defeat by Batman.

Joker: I can’t believe it! Who does Batman think he is, anyway?

Harley: Pewsonally I think he’s Bruce Wayne.

Joker: (blinks in surprise) How’dya figure that one?

Harley: Well think about it. Batman has that car and all those fancy gadgets, and the martial arts training. Bruce Wayne has the money t’ pay that sort of thing, and he disappeared into the Orient for several years, plus he likely suffers from deep-seated trauma and possibly a psychotic break due to his witnessing the murder of his parents at a young age. I’d also conjecture that he has deep-seated issues with his sexuality, what with never marrying and the string of girlfriends he never seems to get past second base with, and the fact that Batman runs around all night wearing a black rubber suit.

(BEAT, as everyone in the room stares at her like she’s grown a second head)

What? I am a certified psychologist, after all.

Joker: (looking uncomfortable) When you put it that way, that makes his relationship with the Boy Wonder a bit disturbing.

Harley: Not necessarily. Given Batman’s usual reaction to sexual abusers, I’d conjecture that their relationship is strictly platonic, with any feelings in that direction severely repressed.

(Joker looks at her cross-eyed for a LONG BEAT)

Joker: (exaggerated patience): Harley dear, why don’t you go feed the hyenas?

Harley: Okay! Tra-la-la-la-la!

(she skips cheerily out of the room.)

Joker: Harley thinks Bruce Wayne is Batman? Sheesh! Sometimes that girl makes me look normal!
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Just an excerpt from an Elseworlds story I've had bouncing in my for a couple of years, set during WWII, as an answer to a really terribly racist Batman serial that Columbia Pictures released in 1943.

Cut for period appropriate racism )
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
While the Arkham games are pretty much GrimDark with an extra helping of Dead Parents for that added bit of angst, you can find a lot of humor in the mook chatter Batman can eavesdrop on during the games. Particularly in Knight a lot of the rioters on the streets express things like wanting to grab toys for their kids or anger at the Arkham Knight's militia trying to take over the city.

And in one random moment you can hear this:

Miltia: My wife doesn't know what I'm doing. She thinks I'm here on a business trip.

2nd Miltia: Yeah, my husband doesn't know either.

Please bear in mind all the militia in the game are male. :)
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Writing discipline remains shite. Currently transcribing more words down on The Quisling's Tale after completing Batman: Arkham Knight. [1] Definitely got the "I'm not a REAL writer" bug niggling at the back of my brain.

[1] Short Review: Excellent game overall with extraordinary writing, but derailed badly by a Batmobile with shite controls and too many car related puzzles
jeriendhal: (Muppets)
With apologies to [ profile] filkertom. :)

I Wanna Be Hamill's Joker

Music: I Wanna Be Peter Lorre (copyright Tom Smith)

What makes me so down, are the villains that I see.
I can't do much for them, not doing very much for me.
I find too many flaws, with Dexter, Lecter and Jigsaw.
Monsters, killers, and zombie hordes, looking at them just make me bored.

Cesar Romero was too silly, Heath Ledger way too bleak.
Jack Nicholson was so snarky I could punch him in the cheek.
No, I was quite surprised, by Luke Skywalker's other guise.
His wit and style caught my attention
[as Joker] And never failed to bring Bats avengin'!

I blame mainlining Arkham Knight for four hours straight )
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
For your viewing pleasure, I'll be restarting my game of Batman: Arkham Night for viewing (with commentary by me) on Ustream. Username: Terinu​ at 7pm EST tonight
jeriendhal: (Mayhem)
I've got more written on The Quisling's Tale, but it's all in longhand and my attention is currently fixated on completing Batman: Arkham Knight. I'll get it transferred to Word as soon as I can and start posting again.

Yes, I'm crap at Writing Discipline.

Also, is Gotham City an independent city state or something? Because if you can evac the city in 24 hours so the only people on the streets are thugs and mercenaries, you could certainly get the National Guard in to defend against the announced chemical weapons attack!
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
...with a running commentary, and I need to know how people want to watch it. The choices are to livestream it through either Ustream or Twitch, or post a replay on YouTube.

I've got until 6/23 to figure this out, but I'd like to know what would get the widest audience.

[Poll #2013147]
jeriendhal: (Mayhem)
So, assuming Bruce is eternally 35 in any baseline DC continuity, and his parents murder occurs when he was 8 as per the usual canon, that means the defining event happened in 1988, assuming "now" is 2015.

Exactly how many more Crisis reboots are going to happen before there's a storyline centered around Alfred's criminal levels of parental neglect for failing to get young Master Bruce proper psychological counseling after his trauma?
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Scene: The Chez Ritz, the fanciest restaurant in Gotham City. Harvey Dent is sitting at a table with a raven haired woman at his side. Harvey gets up to greet Bruce as he approaches.

Harvey: Bruce! Good to see you. Out of uniform for once?

Bruce (smiling): I'm off duty, Harvey. For once. Who's this?

Harvey: Let me introduce you. Bruce Wayne, this is Selina Kyle, the socialite and environmental advocate. Selina, this is Bruce Wayne, the best uniformed cop in the GCPD.

Selina: A pleasure.

(They all sit.)

Bruce: Selina Kyle? Ah, the sponsor of the new panther reserve down in Florida. I thought I'd heard of you.

Selina; I should hope so. The Wayne Foundation contributed 20% of the funding for that project.

Bruce: I think you're right. Sorry, I'm afraid my police work keeps me from being directly involved in the Foundation's decisions.

Harvey: Don't believe him, Selina. Bruce keeps his hand in. Actually between being a cop, CEO of Wayne Corp. and and watching over his family's charity foundation, I'm not sure when he sleeps.

Bruce (looking concerned): I'm not the one who needs to worry about his sleep. You look ragged out, Harv.

Harvey (frowning and rubbing his temple): I've been getting headaches when I sleep. Bad ones. My doctor says I need to reduce my stress. I told him I'll be a lot less stressed when Sal Moroni stops sending hit men after me.

Bruce: Hmm. I'll snoop around a little. Maybe if I can "persuade" one of Moroni's goons to make a move on me, I can arrest him and get some information about his boss's next move.

Harvey: Jesus, Bruce. Don't do anything like that. The GCPD has few enough good cops as it is. I can't afford to lose you.

Bruce: We can't afford to lose you, Harvey. I'm just a beat cop. You're the first clean DA Gotham has had in decades.

Harvey: You're more than just a beat cop, Bruce. I wish you'd stop pretending otherwise.

Bruce (irritated): You think I'm wasting my time with this?

Harvey (holds up a hand to stop Bruce): I'm saying that I know two cops in this city that are completely clean, you and Lt. Gordon. And maybe Bullock, depending which day of the week it is. I can't trust anyone else, Bruce. (turns to Selina) Sorry, dear. I mean on the force.

Selina (concerned): I know what you meant. (checks her watch) Ah! I have to meet with panther reserve's board of regents. I'm sorry, love.

Harvey (kisses her briefly): Go on, sweetheart. I'll talk to you later.

(they watch her go)

Bruce: Lovely woman.

Harvey: Yeah. I'm going to ask her to marry me next week, after we wrap up the Fries trial.

Bruce: Really? Congratulations!

Harvey: She hasn't said "yes" yet. (beat) I'm scared to death.

Bruce: That she might turn you down?

Harvey: That she agrees to marry me. I've got a target on my forehead, Bruce. She will too if we're together.

Bruce: Don't worry about that. I've got you're back, Harv.

(he holds out his hand, They shake.)

Harvey: Same here, Bruce. Same here.
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Gotham Correctional Administration

Parole Hearing for Joseph Chill

February 23rd, 201-

“Good afternoon. I'm Officer Bruce Wayne. Twenty-five years ago, the man before you today murdered my father, Thomas Wayne, and my mother, Martha Wayne, in front of my eyes. They were each shot twice with a .38 caliber revolver, for the pearls my mother wore around her neck. I was eight years old. No child should lose their parents like that.

Never )
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)

This was a request by Naziha Zahed, for something she could practice her comic skills on.

Same Beginning, Different Direction )

jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Scene: Captain Gordon's office. Again. Wayne is standing at attention in front of Gordon's desk. Again.

Gordon: Congratulations on foiling that bank robbery attempt, Sgt. Wayne.

Wayne: Thank you, sir.

Gordon: (unamused) Amazing how you just happened along.

Wayne: I won't claim credit for precognition, sir. I saw the two of the suspects involved the day before. They appeared to be casing the bank, but I didn't have any grounds to arrest them at that time.

Gordon: And you didn't see fit to notify me either.

Wayne: I didn't see the point in putting something into my daily report that might not add up to anything..

Gordon: But you did see fit to make sure you were near the bank when things went down.

Wayne: Yes, sir. I would like to point out that I called for backup immediately.

Gordon: And by the time they arrived you had subdued all the suspects. Bare handed.

Wayne: I did have my tonfa, sir.

Gordon: (starts rubbing his temple) Sgt. Wayne, there's this thing hanging off your belt called a “gun”. You might want to consider the idea of using it occasionally.

Wayne: Captain, I have drawn my weapon in the past when I thought it necessary.

Gordon: But you've never fired it.

Wayne: No, sir.

Gordon: Wayne, don't get cute with me. You've been involved in more confrontations with armed suspects than any five other officers in the Major Crimes Unit. But somehow you never shoot anyone. Why?

Wayne: (hesitiating slightly) Sir, I have a thing about guns.

Gordon: I'm aware of your background, Wayne. But the murder of your parents by an armed thug has nothing to do with the use of a weapon by an officer of the law. This isn't London and you're not a bobby. You're permitted, no, required to use your gun when needed for the safety of the public or yourself.

Wayne: I understand that, sir. But guns are something you can't walk away from. They only have one purpose, to kill. You can't use one and then step back and say “Sorry, I made a mistake.” Bones will heal if they're broken, but a gunshot wound will definitely kill if the shooter knows what they're doing. And I do.

(cont.) I'm lucky in that I have superior hand-to-hand combat training than your average officer. I much prefer to use those skills in a confrontation.

Gordon: (resigned) Duly noted. I talked to your hand-to-hand trainer at the police academy. He says with your level of ability you looked like you were trained by a ninja.

Wayne: Thank you, sir.

Gordon: That was a joke, Wayne. (beat) You weren't were you?

Wayne: Am I required to answer that question, Captain?

Gordon: (holding his head in his hands) No, Sgt. Dismissed.

(as Wayne turns and walks out) I have a headache...
jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
Scene: A UHF television studio in Gotham. Wayne, smiling slightly, is watching from the side as Jack (this universe’s version of the Joker) dressed as a Jack Sparrow expy, addresses a studio of full of happy young children.

Narration: WGC Studios, 7:58am, Liaison with parolee.

Jack: Well kids, looks like it’s time for ol’ Captain Clown to sail back home!

Children: Awww!

Jack: But don’t be sad, I’ll be here tomorrow! Same Clown Time, same Clown Channel! Goodbye!


Jack takes a bow and heads off stage, meeting Wayne.

Jack: Hey there, Officer Friendly! So glad you could make it!

Wayne: (amused) Hi , Jack. Looks like you’re enjoying your new job.

Jack: You bet! It’s been great! All these years trying to be a comedian and it seems I’ve been talking to the wrong audiences. Turns out, when you’re talking to eight-year olds, the cornier your jokes are, the better!

Wayne: Great to hear. But you said you had something important you wanted to tell me?

Jack: Oh, yes! I owe you so much, getting this job for me, and giving a good word to the parole board, that I wanted you to be the first to hear the good news.

Moves in closer to whisper melodramatically

(cont.) I’m getting married! My therapist and I were getting so well that I decided to take a chance and pop the question, and she said YES!.

Wayne: (shakes Jack’s hand) Congratulations, Jack. I’m sure you and Dr. Young will be very happy together….

* * *

“Captain Clown” refers to one of the odder one shot villains from Batman: TAS an android used by the Joker in the episode The Last Laugh.

Dr. Young appeared as a regretful (and soon dead) ally of the Joker in the video game, Batman, Arkham Asylum. Given their mutual interest in chemistry and her questionable medical ethics, this might not be a good thing….

September 2017

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