Altered Trajectory, whither Blake?

[jeriendhal]

Okay, a minor plot problem that's driving me nuts, because I'm halfway through writing the next scene and I may end up deleting it. Suggestions would be welcome.



Okay, as it stands I've got a lovely scene from Hazel's POV as she's waking up in her hospital bed...

No, she isn't dead. What do you take me for, for the Den Mother's sake? Like Rufus doesn't have enough angst on his plate already.

Anyway, they're chatting when Admiral Blake comes in we have a scene that once the gooey I'm So Glad You're Alive bits between Rufus and Hazel are finished basically devolves into an extended bit of exposition as most of the plot threads are tied. Necessary, but it's driving me crazy because it starts off good and just drops flat, but I'd rather not trash it completely.

OTOH I've got an alternative take brewing, which seems slightly more satisfying, focusing on Commander Blake sitting in a cell aboard the Falcon Claw getting ready to be sent back to Vulpine Prime for trial after her dad threw her to the Morro Wolves, when she's visited by Ru and Hazel (the latter in a wheelchair for now). We'd get the same information, but with added dash of the old Humiliation Conga which I think readers would like. Except that it would require another POV change, when most of it has been from Ru's viewpoint, just switching to Hazel for critical bits.

Anybody got a deep preference which they would prefer to see?

Comments

[chaypeta.livejournal.com]

Tough call. I'd prefer not to go with a Blake centric next scene simply because she has not been a major BOV character in this story and it feels wrong to give her a spotlight right at the crux of this story. I think it needs to centre on Ru, possibly using Hazel to start off with her waking up to find that they've both survived and she is now Mrs. Viscount Brushtail, and perhaps switching to Ru confronting Blake who has been encarcerated for her crimes. I agree... info dump with Ru talking to the Admiral would just result in a boring info dump, it would feel cheap... wouldn't do it.

By the way... love the 'Humiliation conga' idea... never heard it called that before. lol. Must go molest TV Troupes some more.

That's probably the way I'd handle it I think.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Splitting the difference between the two scenes does seem the way to go.

BTW Don't forget that Terinu has a page on TV Tropes too. :)

[mjkj.livejournal.com]

Yeah...

*misses him and the folks...*

*sighs*

mjkj

[mjkj.livejournal.com]

Hmm...

Though question...

My opinion is: alt.Admiral Blake does not seem to be the bad type - so I do not see him giving his daughter over to the Vulpines - rather he deals with her first (demote etc.) and putting her under human jurisdiction. That would be different if alt.Leeza was captured by the Vulpines or Galapados ... I am sure he would try to get her back into human custody/jurisdiction though.

What you can do is the Hazel waking up part and asking what had happened (part is revealed). Then after she has recovered enough they go and visit incarcerated alt.Leeza (regardless if under human or Vulpine or Galapagos authority) with some more insight. After / before that they could muse over a "real" wedding ceremony etc.

...and do not forget alt.Rufus addiction, addiction treatment etc. starting again... :)

By the way, I do not see alt.Rufus as the type of wanting to humiliate alt.Leeza any more than she already is - I believe he would just pity her. Hazel on the other hand I think would enjoy it - to a certain degree... (well, my opinion on alt.Rufus might be clouded by the real.Rufus)

Please do not forget the "first contact" between humans and Galapados, it would be nice to know how it went when alt.Admiral Blake intervened and tried to right the wrong after he learned the truth about them...

I hope that did not complicate it for you more...

mjkj

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

My opinion is: alt.Admiral Blake does not seem to be the bad type - so I do not see him giving his daughter over to the Vulpines - rather he deals with her first (demote etc.) and putting her under human jurisdiction. That would be different if alt.Leeza was captured by the Vulpines or Galapados ...

Oh, no, no. Remember, Leeza ended up torturing Rufus to try and get his navigation data. At minimum that's a major diplomatic incident perpetuated against the son of one of the ruling Countesses in the Farmer Lords oligarchy. As peeved as Countess Brushtail might get at her son, there's no way she'd let Leeza walk away from that crime.

[mjkj.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that is true

But, if alt.Admiral Blake did get his daughter and she was not captured by the Vulpines/Galapados they would have to ask for extradition - which, depending on the official relationship, might take some time (except if there is something like a GSA-Court or -law concerning crimes of war etc.) or if the humans want to pacify the Vupines she could get there asap.

As I stated: it all depends on who captured her and/or how the human officials handle it (politics...).

mjkj