"The Knight They Saved Santa Claus"
Dec. 15th, 2004 01:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeriendhalCatagories: In Nomine, trailer, crackfic
Rated: PG-13 for Hurting Wrong Fun
Scene A montage of Christmas in the big city. Children staring at fabulous window displays, couples laughing in the streets as the snow comes down, carolers singing.
NARRATOR: In a time of Christmas cheer…
Cut to: Black BOOTS, running through a back alley.
NARRATOR: One man isn’t laughing.
A large, heavyset MAN is barely visible in the alley’s darkness. As he runs, he stumbles over several garbage cans and falls to the ground.
NARRATOR: He’s hiding…
Cut to the front of the alley, where three MENANCING FIGURES line up, their backs to the camera, preventing any escape.
NARRATOR: …from those who would destroy both him, and the holiday.
In one synchronized motion, all three figures draw swords from underneath their coats and begin to march forward.
The Man pulls himself out of the pile of tumbled garbage, stepping briefly into a shaft of light. He’s an old man, with a very familiar white beard and red suit.
SANTA (closeup): Please! Please! I have to be there for the children!
Tsadayim LEADER: Merry Christmas, ethereal!
We CUT to black, as we hear a sword swing through the air.
A temp track from the last Mission Impossible film starts to play.
Scene: Heaven, outside the courts of Judgement. CHRISTOPHER is arguing with DOMINIC
CHRIS: Every year we stand witness to the same slaughter. How much longer will we allow it?
DOMINIC: As long as the Tsadayim remain outcast from Heaven and unrepentant, there is little we can do.
Scene: Laurence’s Cathedral, CHRIS has been called out on the carpet
LAURENCE: If you continue to attempt to shield this Ethereal, there *will* be consequences.
SCENE: Hell, Nybbas’ office. NYBBAS is chatting with FURFUR.
NYBBAS: Every year the ratings for the Great Santa Hunt just keep going up, up UP! We can’t afford to spoil things with a happy ending!
FURFUR (grinning): Leave the little wimp to me.
SCENE: Marc stands in front a PowerPoint presentation, with a picture of the Tsadayim leader prominently labeled with “SUSPECTED OF INFERNAL COLLABORATION.”
MARC: They are an offshoot of the original Tsadayim, with, if it’s possible, an even more radical agenda.
LAURENCE: You’re saying they actually wish to cleanse Heaven as well as Hell?
SCENE: Novalis’ garden. She’s walking with ZADKIEL and looking very worried.
NOVALIS: If Christopher keeps going like this, he’s going to get himself into real trouble.
ZADKIEL: You’re assuming he’s going it alone.
SCENE: Back to SANTA and the Tsadayim LEADER. ZADKIEL has blocked the killing blow with her shield.
ZADKIEL: Ho, ho, how about you pick on someone your own size?
She shield bashes him into a brick wall.
NARRATOR: This holiday season…
SCENE: Furfur stands on the roof of Santa’s Workshop, firing a rocket at his escaping sled.
NARRATOR: …prepare yourself.
SCENE: Christopher in vessel form, flying a wounded Santa through the Gates of Hell, a horde of Calabim in pursuit.
NARRATOR: Because it’s not just going to be chestnuts…
SCENE: Nybbas watching footage of North Pole carnage on his home theater system.
NARRATOR: …that’ll be roasting in the open fire!
Scene: Zadkiel and Christopher going hand-to-hand with Tsadayim as they cover the retreat of Santa’s Elves.
CUT TO: Title card - “The Knight They saved Santa”
CUT TO: Santa, bloody, beaten, and tired, supported by Christopher as they limp away from the burning Workshop.
SANTA: Someone is definitely getting coal in their stocking this year.
CUT TO: Title card - “Opening Christmas Day”
Rated: PG-13 for Hurting Wrong Fun
Scene A montage of Christmas in the big city. Children staring at fabulous window displays, couples laughing in the streets as the snow comes down, carolers singing.
NARRATOR: In a time of Christmas cheer…
Cut to: Black BOOTS, running through a back alley.
NARRATOR: One man isn’t laughing.
A large, heavyset MAN is barely visible in the alley’s darkness. As he runs, he stumbles over several garbage cans and falls to the ground.
NARRATOR: He’s hiding…
Cut to the front of the alley, where three MENANCING FIGURES line up, their backs to the camera, preventing any escape.
NARRATOR: …from those who would destroy both him, and the holiday.
In one synchronized motion, all three figures draw swords from underneath their coats and begin to march forward.
The Man pulls himself out of the pile of tumbled garbage, stepping briefly into a shaft of light. He’s an old man, with a very familiar white beard and red suit.
SANTA (closeup): Please! Please! I have to be there for the children!
Tsadayim LEADER: Merry Christmas, ethereal!
We CUT to black, as we hear a sword swing through the air.
A temp track from the last Mission Impossible film starts to play.
Scene: Heaven, outside the courts of Judgement. CHRISTOPHER is arguing with DOMINIC
CHRIS: Every year we stand witness to the same slaughter. How much longer will we allow it?
DOMINIC: As long as the Tsadayim remain outcast from Heaven and unrepentant, there is little we can do.
Scene: Laurence’s Cathedral, CHRIS has been called out on the carpet
LAURENCE: If you continue to attempt to shield this Ethereal, there *will* be consequences.
SCENE: Hell, Nybbas’ office. NYBBAS is chatting with FURFUR.
NYBBAS: Every year the ratings for the Great Santa Hunt just keep going up, up UP! We can’t afford to spoil things with a happy ending!
FURFUR (grinning): Leave the little wimp to me.
SCENE: Marc stands in front a PowerPoint presentation, with a picture of the Tsadayim leader prominently labeled with “SUSPECTED OF INFERNAL COLLABORATION.”
MARC: They are an offshoot of the original Tsadayim, with, if it’s possible, an even more radical agenda.
LAURENCE: You’re saying they actually wish to cleanse Heaven as well as Hell?
SCENE: Novalis’ garden. She’s walking with ZADKIEL and looking very worried.
NOVALIS: If Christopher keeps going like this, he’s going to get himself into real trouble.
ZADKIEL: You’re assuming he’s going it alone.
SCENE: Back to SANTA and the Tsadayim LEADER. ZADKIEL has blocked the killing blow with her shield.
ZADKIEL: Ho, ho, how about you pick on someone your own size?
She shield bashes him into a brick wall.
NARRATOR: This holiday season…
SCENE: Furfur stands on the roof of Santa’s Workshop, firing a rocket at his escaping sled.
NARRATOR: …prepare yourself.
SCENE: Christopher in vessel form, flying a wounded Santa through the Gates of Hell, a horde of Calabim in pursuit.
NARRATOR: Because it’s not just going to be chestnuts…
SCENE: Nybbas watching footage of North Pole carnage on his home theater system.
NARRATOR: …that’ll be roasting in the open fire!
Scene: Zadkiel and Christopher going hand-to-hand with Tsadayim as they cover the retreat of Santa’s Elves.
CUT TO: Title card - “The Knight They saved Santa”
CUT TO: Santa, bloody, beaten, and tired, supported by Christopher as they limp away from the burning Workshop.
SANTA: Someone is definitely getting coal in their stocking this year.
CUT TO: Title card - “Opening Christmas Day”
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 06:39 pm (UTC)Then again, Polar Express sounds not too bad.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-16 06:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-16 06:23 am (UTC)