jeriendhal | Entries tagged with silly

This fic originally appeared on my Patreon page. Please consider supporting me on Patreon to see this and other stories at least 30 days in advance of the public.

###

"You want what now?" Chaula's morph asked carefully.

"Just like I said," Chaula told Henri. "We're setting a specific LARP sim based on the original West End RPG.

"So it's going to be all underground."

"Yes."

"With uncomfortable quarters, substandard recreation facilities, and malfunctioning non-morph robots."

"Yes."

"Plots with a high probability of character elimination and contradictory win scenarios."

"Yes."

"For fun."

"Yes."

"One moment while I consult, please."

WELCOME TO MORPHCHAT

LOGIN:

USER: HENRITHEFUNMACHINE

PASSWORD: *****************************************************

USERNAME AND PASSWORD ACCEPTED.

PLEASE CHOOSE A ROOM

>DF SAY WHAT NOW

WELCOME TO DF SAY WHAT NOW, FOR WHEN YOUR DESIGNATED FOCUS BREAKS YOUR PROCESSOR.

MODERATOR: HUMANLEWISANDTHENEWS

MODERATOR IS OFF CHAT

>HENRITHEFUNMACHINE: Guys, you're not going to believe this one…

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1325131.html

This work originally appeared on my Patreon page. Please consider supporting me on Patreon to this and other, original stories at least 30 days in advance of the public.

###

Dramatis Persona:

Mack Blaster: The hero of Just Blast-Cause VII.

Mission Control: A voice with an Internet connection

Scene: Mack arrives on the beaches of Genericstan, armed only with a pistol.

Mission Control: Okay, we lost all of your equipment in the crash, so let's go through a com check to make sure what you got left is still working.

Mack: Oh, come on. Do we have to do this every single time?

Mission Control: Do what?

Mack: Do the stupid beginner tutorial like we do at the start of every game!

Mission Control: I don't know what you're talking about. Now move forward and….

Mack: Argh! I mean this! Left stick to move, Right stick to control the camera, X to jump or interact, R1 to lock onto a target, R2 to fire, L1 brings up the radial menu, L2 does something later in the game. the d-pad is my quick items, O is for my special abilities, and the touchpad brings up my map because no one ever figured out what else it's good for. It's basically the same set up for every first or third person perspective console game since the 2000's, unless you're playing on a Piin-tendo and they make you use, I don't know, an animatronic elephant nose strapped to your face or whatever! Why do we have constantly break immersion to do this when every kid born knows this shit by the time they're ten?!

Mission Control: "Piin-tendo?"

Mack: Legal couldn't secure the rights for the actual name.

Mission Control: Whatever, just play along.

Mack: Nope, not gonna. Just put a waypoint marker up so I can get a weapon better than this POS pistol.

Mission Control: Fine. Don't blame me if you fall off the edge of a cliff because you didn't know…

Mack: Square to grab the edge of a cliff.

Mission Control: What if you'd forgotten...

Mack: Is this one of those stupid games where you've got a fatigue meter when you're climbing?

Mission Control: ....no.

Mack: Then shut up and let's get on with this.

Mission Control: I hate you.

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1324444.html

This is some pretty impressive parody/crossover editing right here....

"In Search Of ... (2/25/1978)" (Watch on YouTube)

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1320589.html

SCENE: The Warner Brothers (and Sister!)'s Water Tower.

Yakko: Great news, everybody! Looks like we're getting a brand new, shiny reboot series!

Dot: Hurray!

Wakko: Oh, are we going to be back on the WB?

Dot: The WB network is gone, Wakko.

Wakko: Then who's going to be carrying us then?

Yakko: The good news is, we'll be on Hulu.

Dot: Oh, binge watching for the win!

Yakko: The bad news is, we'll be on Hulu.

Wakko: Why's that bad?

Yakko: The water tower's ISP is Comcast.

(Wakko and Dot groan in disappointment.)

Dot: Wait, if we're on the Internet, that means no more Broadcast Standards and Practices! And that means…

Wakko: No more Wheel of Morality!

Yakko: And all the barely concealed innuendo we want!

All: YAY!!!

Yakko: And best of all, Meg Syverud is doing the storyboards for our pilot!

Dot: Yay! Wait, who?

Wakko: Meg Sylveroof.

Yakko: No, no. It's Sliverude.

Wakko: I get pretty rude, if there's sliver in my finger.

Dot: (checking her phone) It's pronounced SIV-uh-rood, and it says here that she draws something called Daughter of the Lilies.

Wakko: "Daughter of the Lilies"? Isn't that from a Bible verse?

Dot: AUUUUUUGH! I thought we were getting rid of the Wheel of Morality!

Yakko: Hey, don't you worry! Unlike most of the hard-core Wheel of Morality fans, she's actually read the Bible!

Wakko: (sly grin) Even Ezekiel 23:20-21?

Dot: What so bad about that? (Checks her phone again. Which explodes) Woah! Now that's some hot verses!

Yakko: Speaking of verses, one thing Daughter of the Lilies needs is a theme song!

(Theme music starts)

It's time for Lil-ie-man-iacs!
We got action to the max!

So just sit back and relax.
The plot is pretty whack.

It's Lil-ie-man-iacs!

Here's our gal Thistle,
The hero you can see.
She's got claws and fangs and magic,
And a troubled history.

Ly-ra's an elven archer,
And has anger issues too.

Brent is just a meat shield.
Orc Dad Orrig runs the crew.

Gwen is laughing evil,
And disses Dragon Wu.

The schedule's slipped.
The artist's flipped.
The Drath are in your brain!

It's time for Lil-ie-man-iacs.
Use RSS Feed to keep on track.
So just go and settle back
Plot you will not lack

It's Lil-a-man-ie

A bit One Question-any

Yakko (spoken): Dart is cockamanie!

Lil-ie-man-iacs!

Those are the facts!

(The Warners pop out of the water tower, along with Hello Nurse dressed in a chainmail bikini)

Yakko: Hellllloooo Ti-fa-nii!

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1317449.html

This story originally appeared on my Patreon page. Please consider supporting me there to see this and similar stories at least thirty days in advance of the public.

* * *

When Rolas pulled out his palm comp from his pocket, he heard Melanie's strained voice state, "Rolas, I need your help with something."

"I'm on my way home from the meeting with the Greenholme Colony Coordination Committee," he replied, leaning back in the seat of his groundcar, while the autodriver took him towards home. "What's the matter?"

"I'm having a... wardrobe issue would be the best term," she said.

"So, get one of the servants to help you."

"I'd… rather not bother them with this."

Rolas' brow rose at this admission. Given some of the outfits Melanie wore when they were in private, he could well imagine not wanting to get Darktail Manor's servants involved. "Is that a fact?" he asked mildly.

Melanie's voice grew irritated. "Rolas, don't be a tease. You're terrible at it."

"I don't ever tease," he replied. "Are you in any danger?"

"No actually, just mild inconvenience," she admitted.

"I'll try to hurry then." He smiled to himself. "I do, however, see a bit of heavy traffic ahead. Might take me a few extra minutes to get home. Be there ASAP."

"Rolas! Don't be an arse! You need to get here as soon as…" Melanie began to shout, before he cut the connection and set his palm comp to shunt his messages to voicemail.

( Sometimes Rolas does get the better of Mel )

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1315967.html

If you're over 18 and a citizen of the United States, it's FREE STICKER DAY! Seriously, they're just giving them away!

"Free Sticker Day" (Watch on YouTube)

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1314953.html

Working two prompts together: "Thing about fur is that it's a bitch when the zippers get caught... " Neziha "Wazaga" Zahed, and " Salli has accidentally broken the remote to unlock Ali's old red leather uniform. The embedded maguffinium simply will not cut. A discrete visit to Ms. Kincaid is warranted" Vikki Rubbervixen.( Cut for sexual suggestiveness )

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1313925.html

Ali meets one of her heroes, sorta.

This piece was originally posted on my Patreon page. Please consider supporting me on Patreon to see this and other stories thirty days in advance of the public.

* * *

"Aunt Ali, are you okay?" Moni asked, her eyes widening in surprise. She'd seen Aunt Ali happy, laughing, and cheerful. She'd seen Aunt Ali excited on more than one occasion. She'd never seen her youngest aunt almost vibrating with barely contained glee.

"It's Hydragon," Aunt Ali whispered, her golden eyes wide with excitment, looking up at the hundred meter high mechanical construct surrounded by a cage of scaffolding, as workers with gravity cranes applied the outer coating of pseudoskin scales.

"It's just a robot," Moni countered. "I mean yeah, it's a big robot, but it's still just a..."

"It's Hydragon," Aunt Ali interrupted. "A real, life size Hydragon, right here on Greenholme." She hopped up and down on her footpads briefly, ears totally erect, paws clasped together as she out a little eeeeeee sound.

"Should I leave you two alone?" Moni asked. Unsurprisingly given her aunt's current state, the sarcasm went right over Ali's ears.

"It's Hydragon! It's gonna walk out of the water, onto the beach, and right through Shore Town! It's going to be the best day ever!"

Aunt Ali had, Moni reminded herself carefully, a childhood that could be politely characterized as completely shitty. And it only qualified for that much if you left out the nightmare inducing bits that she'd heard secondpaw from Aunt Salli and Mom. Despite Aunt Salli's opinions, she wasn't enough of a jerk to burst her younger aunt's obvious happiness, even over something as silly as a giant imaginary robot lizard. "I bet it's going to look spectacular," she said.

"Eeeeeee!" Aunt Ali repeated. She finally took in a breath, trying to calm down. "I wonder if they'll let me flee with the rest of the extras when they film it marching through town?"

"That's a thing?" Moni asked.

Aunt Ali nodded quickly. "It's the best thing!"

Fandom is weird, she concluded.

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1311065.html

Because you tell a lot about a culture from how others make fun of it.

***

"How many 'Warties does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"Three. One to change the unit, one to sign off on the repair, and one to launch an investigation into the poor maintenance record."

-Common Mother Country joke about Gerwarts.

"How many MC's does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"Three. A Service caste to change the unit, a Commoner to pay taxes to fund the replacement, and a Noble to take credit for organizing everything."

-Common Gerwart joke about the Mother Country.

"How many humans does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"One to remove the old unit, twelve billion to screw up the environment building the new one."

"How many Gliten does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"Why are you worrying about a lighting unit? You need to be producing more eggs!"

"How many kinis does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"Who cares? It's their own fault it broke in the first place."

"How many wazzies does it take to change a lighting unit?"

"What's a lighting unit?"

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1309271.html

For the past couple of years I've been imagining in my head an AU where production of ST:TOS continued for five seasons instead of just the three. Season Four and Five would have been direct to syndication, as some clever fellow noted ST's Nielsen numbers and bought the show out from under DesiLu. To accommodate the change, and to get fans excited, there would be a theatrical movie bridging seasons three and four called The Revenge of Khan. It would be the same basic plot as ST:TWoK but without Spock dying, the Enterprise getting out of the way of the Genesis Device's detonation range by the saucer section cutting loose the engineering hull, and Sulu taking Chekhov's role as the Reliant's first officer.

In this universe around Season Five Sulu would be transferred to Star Base Bajor, allowing George Takei to star in his own series. Which would lead to a running gag of Sulu engaging in an endless series of "No really, I was there!" conversations with Major Kira as he described incidents from ST:TOS to her.

"So when we woke up, we found out that the crew of the ship had come aboard and stolen our science officer's brain."

"Stolen... his brain? What for?"

"Something about using it to run the planet's infrastructure."

"Okaaay. I assume you hunted them down for murdering him."

"No, no. He was still alive. I mean his body was. And so was his brain."

"So what, he's living in a jar now?"

"No, our ship's doctor put it back in his body."

"How?"

"It was complicated..."

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1308875.html

“Zoo Adam-121 Zoo Adam-12!” Clawhauser’s anxious voice came over the radio, “ Predator gone savage, female adult tiger. Address 312 Amazon Drive, Rainforest District! One bunny reported eaten !”

“Acknowledged, Central!” Judy called back. “Zoo Adam-12 enroute, ETA three minutes!” She hit the accelerator and the cruiser zoomed through traffic, siren blaring.

( Sorry, this one is a bit (ahem) tasteless )

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1304474.html

Hilarity ensues when Anna and Khan investigate a group of LARPers trying to recreate George Orwell's 1984 .

Khan: "What, do they think the Groupmind isn't being heavy-handed enough?"

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1303590.html

Rolas on Twitter:

- 200+ pics of his sailboat.
- But no selfies.
- Uses alt to retweet anti-Noble memes.
- Drunk tweets at 2am then immediately deletes post.
- Has no followers except family.

Melanie on Twitter

- Makes utterly innocuous informational posts on her family's official account
- Uses alt to detail her great sex life. With selfies.
- Alt has 10,000+ followers

Salli on Twitter

- Retweets mental health memes CONSTANTLY.
- Rants about the state of the Council of Countesses.
- Posts adorable selfies with her and Ali.

Ali on Twitter

- Posts helpful fitness tips.
- And silly kaiju memes.
- Is sure no one wants to follow her tweets.
- Has 1,000+ followers.

Crossposts: https://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1300744.html

Starcrash is a 1978 film showing what the Italian cinema industry does best: Ripping off American box office smashes with a quick ripoff that has a quarter of the budget. Jonah and the bots have a fine time with this one, especially with the character "Aktor" a space pirate with unexplained on-demand superpowers, a smug attitude, and a frightening resemblance to William Katt, the star of "The Greatest American Hero". Which led me to committing filk again...

"Starcrash Theme" (music: "Believe it or Not")

Look at what's happened to me-e,
I couldn't believe it myself.
My agent signed the contract unseen
Wish it were somebody else!

CHORUS

Believe it or not, I'm not William Katt
He's got far too much digni-ty-y-y
Wish I could run, from this dog a film
Who could it be?
It's not William Katt, it's just me.

It's an Italian Star Wars clone,
With none of the budget or skill
I'm playing a smug, stuck-up Obi-Wan
With a curly blond perm that could kill.

CHORUS

I'm co-stars with a robot from Tex-as,
And Caroline Munro's massive chest
Hasslehoff's got top billing on screen
For just the fifteen minutes he's seen!

CHORUS

Crossposts: http://jeriendhal.livejournal.com/1295226.html

A short little scene from my unwritten Batman '42 serial script that's been brewing in my head, riffing off the original really, really racist and awful WWII era Batman serial.

With apologies to

siderea for having a character do a psychological analysis without directly interviewing the subject...

* * *

SCENE: In the Joker’s lair after his latest defeat by Batman.

Joker: I can’t believe it! Who does Batman think he is, anyway?

Harley: Pewsonally I think he’s Bruce Wayne.

Joker: (blinks in surprise) How’dya figure that one?

Harley: Well think about it. Batman has that car and all those fancy gadgets, and the martial arts training. Bruce Wayne has the money t’ pay that sort of thing, and he disappeared into the Orient for several years, plus he likely suffers from deep-seated trauma and possibly a psychotic break due to his witnessing the murder of his parents at a young age. I’d also conjecture that he has deep-seated issues with his sexuality, what with never marrying and the string of girlfriends he never seems to get past second base with, and the fact that Batman runs around all night wearing a black rubber suit.

(BEAT, as everyone in the room stares at her like she’s grown a second head)

What? I am a certified psychologist, after all.

Joker: (looking uncomfortable) When you put it that way, that makes his relationship with the Boy Wonder a bit disturbing.

Harley: Not necessarily. Given Batman’s usual reaction to sexual abusers, I’d conjecture that their relationship is strictly platonic, with any feelings in that direction severely repressed.

(Joker looks at her cross-eyed for a LONG BEAT)

Joker: (exaggerated patience): Harley dear, why don’t you go feed the hyenas?

Harley: Okay! Tra-la-la-la-la!

(she skips cheerily out of the room.)

Joker: Harley thinks Bruce Wayne is Batman? Sheesh! Sometimes that girl makes me look normal!

So this was pretty much inevitable.

Reposted with permission from Naziha Zahed.

This is what you call a properly creative interpretation. Also, totally how Deadpool would desguise himself in the KSA. Saudi Comic Con. #saudicomiccon #saudicomiccon_jeddah #deadpool #cosplay

A post shared by Naziha Zahed (@thebluewazaga) on Feb 17, 2017 at 12:02am PST

With Rogue One coming out Friday, I got to thinking about Darth Vader and how he's integrated into the Imperial job structure. I like to think he's listed on some org chart as something utterly innocuous like "Resolutions Specialist, Pay Grade IS-15" or the like. And some poor schmuck from Accounting has to periodically knock on Vadar's office door and shake the receipts out of him after his latest mission.

"Lord Vader, I understand you're following the Emperor's orders, but I've got Cloud City administrators yelling for compensation after you trashed that carbon freezing chamber. You can't just keep listing stuff like that under Miscellaneous Expenses, sir."

From my as yet to be written remake screenplay of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

Scene: Newscaster set. As the newscast goes on, ticker at the bottom of the screen displays various messages, "Wooden block and toy train stocks tumble. NYSE suspends trading" "UN states "Give sanctions more time."" "Jack Frost, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy assure world "Toys will be delivered on time.""

Newscaster: With Santa's kidnapping by Martians confirmed, other major myth logical figures have been vocal in their support for Santa, including from at least one unexpected quarter.

Scene: Cut to a dark cave lit by bursts of flame in the background. Standing in front of the camera is Pitch (Bill Corbett), in the traditional red devil suit, face paint, and plastic pitchfork) and screen label "Pitch, Spokesdevil for the Forces of Darkness"

Pitch: While of course Lord Lucifer has significant philosophical differences with Mr. Claus, this sort of unwarranted attack on a beloved mythological figure cannot be condoned, and the forces of Hell pledge their full support behind Santa and his wife in this time of crisis.

...between Buckaroo Banzai, Brisco County Jr. and Atomic Robo. No matter how cool it would be for Robo and Buckaroo to convince Brisco's descendant, Brisco County IV to give up the family tradition of legal advising and take up the other family tradition of Science Adventuring.

I will not Tuckerize

james_nicoll without his express permission.

Even if his character would point out every stupid assumption ~~the author~~ the Groupmind made when it came up with its Brilliant Plan.

"Why should I help you?"

"I can build a community for you where bicycles are specifically prohibited."

"That's... tempting."

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Royce's Random Thoughts

A Dark Journey Into Pointless Trivia

Entries tagged with silly

FYS: Orwell Lite

FIC: Standard Issue

In Search Of, with Leo Nimoy

Fanfic: Liliemaniacs

RVA: The Trap (PG-13 for sexuality)

Free Sticker Day!

Ali-ween, Prompt #4, Wardrobe malfunction (PG-13)

RVA: Ali vs Hydragon

Light bulb jokes for the RVA 'verse

Weird Fanfic Thoughts

Fanfic: Long Days, Short Stories: Gulpr (Zootopia, PG-13 for suggestiveness))

FYS: Random Plot Bunny

Red Vixen Tweets

Theme from Starcrash

Batman '42, Quinn's Analysis

Saudi Arabia is hosting its first Comic Con

Random Thought Table, Rogue One Edition

Scenes to Remember: "Pitch"-ing in to Help

The universe does not need a crossover...

FYS: Note to self