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jeriendhal“Acknowledged, Central!” Judy called back. “Zoo Adam-12 enroute, ETA three minutes!” She hit the accelerator and the cruiser zoomed through traffic, siren blaring.
“Dammit,” Nick cursed. “I thought we’d heard the last of Night Howler and Night Hunter!”
“Guess not,” Judy replied, slewing around a corner as they entered the Rainforest’s suburban area. Artificial rain was coming down hard, and the roads were slick.
“Zoo Adam-12 to Central,” Nick called. “We got SWAT on the way?”
“They’re about six minutes behind you guys.”
“Okay, we just gotta keep the situation contained until they get here,” Judy decided.
Nick twisted around, unlocking the weapons box mounted between their seats. “Pistols, darts, or tasers?” he asked.
“Darts,” Judy said firmly. “If it’s a Night Howler victim she isn’t in her right mind, and won’t be at fault.”
“A pistol might be kinder, once she snaps out of it and finds out what she did,” Nick replied, slipping his sedative dart pistol into the holster on his belt. “Eaten. God damn.”
“Central, Zoo Adam-12 is on scene,” Judy called to Clawhauser, pulling their cruiser up to a small house. It was bunny-sized, compact and built half-buried into the earth. Standing outside was a terrified looking bunny in her forties, dressed in a soaked business suit, with several neighbors of various species, predator and prey, standing on the sidewalk with her.
Judy hopped out, her own dart pistol in her paw as she approached the other bunny. “Ma’am, can you tell me what happened?” From the direction of the house she could hear the sound of a large animal thrashing and yowling, and the occasional crunch of smashed furniture.
“Our office closed early and I decided to come home and surprise my husband Elliott,” the bunny sobbed. “So I came home, opened the door, and there was this enormous tiger inside, dropping Elliott into her mouth!” She shook her head. “Oh, god. I think he was still alive!”
“Ma’am, you stay here with your neighbors. We’re going in,” Judy told her. The other bunny nodded, and an ocelot in a flower print dress stepped up to stand beside her protectively.
As they approached the open front door, Nick started to move ahead of her, his mouth opening to say something.
“If you try to say ‘Stay behind me, Carrots’ I’ll kick you in your tail,” Judy warned.
“Can you blame me?” he muttered. “It hasn’t been that long since Volkov tried to poison Zootopia and have you mauled.”
“We’re confronting a tigress,” she countered. “Compared to her, a bunny and a fox are about the same size. So we go in together.”
“Right,” Nick agreed reluctantly. They took station on either side of the door. “On three?” he asked.
Judy nodded. “One, two, three! ”
They rushed inside. The tigress was in the living room, laying half-way across a broken coffee table in a fetal position. She was wearing a torn black evening dress, and her arms were wrapped around her stomach as she shuddered and convulsed. When Nick and Judy entered, dart pistols raised, she looked up at them with eyes wide with terror, not glowing with Night Howler rage.
“Nnn! Nhgg!” the tigress choked, raising one paw as if to ward them off. Then she bent over double, stomach spasming as a naked male bunny, fur soaked with saliva, popped out from between her jaws, falling to the floor and gasping for breath as he landed in a heap.
“What…?” the bunny, presumably Elliott, gasped. “What happened?! I… cough… I didn’t ask you to swallow! ”
“I’m sorry,” the tigress gasped. “I’m so sorry! She came in the door and I panicked…” She looked up at Judy and Nick desperately. “I swear it isn’t what it looks like!”
Elliott, his eyes wide as he saw the two officers, blurted out, “It was consensual, honest!”
Judy blinked, staring at them as she set the safety back on her pistol, shoved it into her holster, then drew out her radio to say flatly, “Central, Zoo Adam-12. Situation under control. Please recall the SWAT team.”
“ Are you sure, Judy? ” Clawhauser asked, his voice sounding concerned.
“Positive,” she replied. Then Judy very calmly put her radio back, drew in a deliberately breath, and shouted, “What in the name of St. Francis of Assisi is going on here?”
“I… I’m so sorry,” Elliott babbled. “Ever since I was a kid I’d had thoughts about it. So last week I heard about the Gulpr app and downloaded it, and that’s where I met Sylvia.” He waved at the tigress, who nodded in agreement.
“I’m sorry, what’s a ‘Gulpr’ app?” Judy asked, nonplussed.
“It’s an app to help predator and prey hook up for impromptu, ah, gulping sessions,” Nick explained, an appalling grin on his face.
Judy’s ears went flat. “You mean they get together… and… so they can.... and the pred opens her mouth… and she swallows… ”
“Oh, no! You’ve never supposed to swallow!” Sylvia said quickly. “You’re just supposed to pick them up, lick them a bit, and um, put them in your mouth so they can feel like, y’know, prey. ”
“And mammals do this for fun ?” Judy demanded.
Nick coughed into his paw, obviously trying not to laugh. “Some even pay for the privilege.” He looked up, eyeing Sylvia speculatively. “Speaking of which.”
“Hey!” she replied, outraged. “I never!”
“Well, that saves you from one charge,” he said.
“Actually, I don’t think we can charge you with anything, since you both stated it was consensual,” Judy added, somewhat reluctantly. She eyed Elliott. “Sir, I advise you to towel off and get dressed. Then you are both going to come out with us and explain to Elliott’s very upset wife what exactly was going on and why you both almost gave her a heart attack.”
“Yes, officer,” Elliott agreed morosely, picking up his clothes and scurrying off the powder room, while Syliva hunched down in embarrassment.
“As for me,” Judy whispered to Nick, as his manfully tried to suppress his amusement, “Once we come off shift I’m going to hit the showers for… oh, two or three hours. Then you are going to take me out to a bar and buy me enough grain alcohol to kill every brain cell in my head that might retain a memory of this day.”
“Sounds like a plan” Nick agreed. Then he grinned again, “Hey, did you know there’s also an app for mammals that like to get together and…”
“Shove it!”
“That too…”
“Augh!”
