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How not to get a Christmas tree
Dec. 13th, 2003 05:20 pmSo today is Tracy's birthday. It's a tradition in her family that they'd always go out to cut down a Christmas tree on her birthday, so I saw no reason to break it.
The trouble started when we hit Target to get some twine to tie the tree to the car. At the ATM for the life of me I couldn't remember my PIN number, despite having used it every week for the past six years. So I had to rush back to the house to beg for money from Steve the ER, and then head out again.
Getting the tree farm, after nearly getting my mom's car stuck in the mud, we spent a cheerful half-hour looking for the best looking tree. After a bit of trouble cutting it down (the branches went VERY low, making it hard to see what I was doing), we had ourselves a six-foot tall blue spruce for just $35.00.
After tying the tree down, we headed out onto I-70 to get home. Tracy noticed the tree was sliding back on the roof, so I pulled over and added more support lines to hold in place.
We'd gotten another two or three miles down the road, when the tree slid off the roof with a WHOOMPH, and landed in the far right lane of a 65 MPH major freeway. I yanked the car over two lanes of exit ramps and onto the shoulder, then ran the 1/4 mi. or so back to the tree, still sitting in the lane. By some miracle no one had hit it, or me, even though a lot of cars were zipping onto the shoulder to avoid it. I managed to drag back onto the shoulder and back to the car, where Tracy and I just said "fuck it" and stuffed the damned thing into the back seat of my mom's Saturn.
The moral of the story: Don't use cheap string when securing your tree.
Not to mention: Don't forget you've got about a half dozen six-foot bungee cords at home WHICH WOULD HAVE WORKED PERFECTLY FINE IF I'D HAD THE BRAINS TO BRING THEM!!!
If my mom asks why her car smells so piney fresh, I'm tempted to tell her the absolute truth...
The trouble started when we hit Target to get some twine to tie the tree to the car. At the ATM for the life of me I couldn't remember my PIN number, despite having used it every week for the past six years. So I had to rush back to the house to beg for money from Steve the ER, and then head out again.
Getting the tree farm, after nearly getting my mom's car stuck in the mud, we spent a cheerful half-hour looking for the best looking tree. After a bit of trouble cutting it down (the branches went VERY low, making it hard to see what I was doing), we had ourselves a six-foot tall blue spruce for just $35.00.
After tying the tree down, we headed out onto I-70 to get home. Tracy noticed the tree was sliding back on the roof, so I pulled over and added more support lines to hold in place.
We'd gotten another two or three miles down the road, when the tree slid off the roof with a WHOOMPH, and landed in the far right lane of a 65 MPH major freeway. I yanked the car over two lanes of exit ramps and onto the shoulder, then ran the 1/4 mi. or so back to the tree, still sitting in the lane. By some miracle no one had hit it, or me, even though a lot of cars were zipping onto the shoulder to avoid it. I managed to drag back onto the shoulder and back to the car, where Tracy and I just said "fuck it" and stuffed the damned thing into the back seat of my mom's Saturn.
The moral of the story: Don't use cheap string when securing your tree.
Not to mention: Don't forget you've got about a half dozen six-foot bungee cords at home WHICH WOULD HAVE WORKED PERFECTLY FINE IF I'D HAD THE BRAINS TO BRING THEM!!!
If my mom asks why her car smells so piney fresh, I'm tempted to tell her the absolute truth...
