Celebrity Deathmatch, Terinu, Part Two

[jeriendhal]

Leeza and the Admiral face each other, with Lane holding the line in the middle.

Lane: Okay you two, this ain't the Lifetime network, so I don't want to see this turn into some weepy chick flick. I wanna see blood, guts, gore and maybe somebody's liver on the barbie! Now let's get it on!

Lane steps back.

Blake: You’re being very childish about this, Leeza.

Leeza: I’m being childish? You’re the one playing I’ve Got a Secret with your whole family!

Nick: Looks like the Admiral is starting off with some tough love, Johnny.

Johnny: But is it tough enough to counter Leeza’s righteous indignation?

Blake: I did what was necessary for the safety of the GSA.

Leeza: Including getting me fired?

Blake: No, that I did just because you ticked me off.

Leeza roars and lands a kick straight into the Admiral’s groin.

Nick: Ouch! Right into Admiral Blake’s little battleship!

Johnny: But it doesn’t appear to affecting him. Look!

Leeza lands a flurry of kicks in the Admiral’s privates, but he doesn’t flinch. We cut back to the announcer’s booth.

Nick: What the heck? He should be howling so hard you’d hear him on Alpha Centauri by now!

Johnny: Of course! Admiral Blake’s complete indifference to Leeza’s feelings (or anyone else’s for that matter) have left him with the ability to be not only emotionally but physically unaffected by any strikes she’s able to land.

Nick: Things are looking bad down there for her. But wait, she’s pulling an ace out of her sleeve.

Johnny: Or a blaster out of her pocket.

Cut back to the ring, where Leeza has just finished putting together a laser bazooka.

Blake: Hey, you’re not supposed to use ranged weapons in here!

Lane: I’ll allow it!

Leeza: Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Fires her cannon, which bounces straight off the Admiral’s chest and smokes Leeza.


Nick: As with most of Leeza’s insults, he just tossed it right back at her.

Johnny: It doesn’t look good for her, that’s for sure, Nick.

The Admiral grabs Leeza, tosses her against the ropes, clotheslines her, and then suplexes her into the floor.

Leeza: Gack! You know I’m taking you off my Christmas card list after this...

Blake: Like I ever sent you one.

Nick: Looks like it’s almost over here, Johnny.

Johnny: Not quite, Nick. It appears Leeza has a cheering section in the stands!

Cut to Lance and Rufus in the stands, who fire of a mortar towards the ring.

Nick: What the heck is that, a bomb?!

Johnny: Even better! It’s a half-liter thermos full of Starbuck’s infamous Double-Expresso Con Panne Grande, recently voted “Most Likely to Induce a Coronary” by Caffeine Addicts Weekly!

Leeza catches the the thermos, gulps the contents down, then rises to her feet, flipping the empty thermos into a hip holster at her side.

Nick: Looks like that’s just what the doctor ordered. She’s back on her feet and on the warpath!

Leeza flips her dad, pile drives him, and then pulls him back onto his feet.

Leeza: You broke my heart, Dad. Allow me to return the favor!

She punches through the Admiral’s chest, her hand emerging out of his back.

Leeza: What the...?

Johnny: Oh, big mistake on Leeza’s part. She was obviously going for a heart ripping finishing move.

Nick: But she forgot one important piece of information. You can’t break someone’s heart, if they haven’t got one in the first place!

Blake: Leeza, you never had a sensible thought in your head. Allow me to demonstrate!

He punches up into her chain, knocking her brains through the top of her skull.

Johnny: Looks like he used the old Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Grim Reaper move, Nick.

Nick: Boy, that’s going make things awkward at the family dinner table tonight, Johnny!

Johnny: Indeed, Nick!

Mills Lane raises Admiral Blake’s arm in triumph.

Lane: The Winner!

Johnny: Looks like the Admiral won this round, but how is he going to fair against Terinu in the next one, as everyone’s favorite electrically charged marsupial goes against every single person who’s ever ticked him off!

TO BE CONTINUED!