jeriendhal | Life continues

Spent most of the afternoon yesterday with my mom and my sisters at the funeral home, making arrangements. Mom only broke down once, when we were trying to pick out flowers. We just got a simple display to place atop the casket, as Dad wouldn't have appreciated any frou-frou. The coffin is equally simple, just an oak casket without ornamentation.

I'm strangely calm about the whole thing. Occasionally I get weepy about the situation, but I haven't had a breakdown like I did in the hospital Saturday. In a very wierd sense Dad's death is anticlimactic. He'd been terribly weak ever since his lung cancer operation 2 years ago, and growing increasingly frustrated at his own helplessness. I knew his time was limited, and every time he went into the hospital for another surgery or to recover from some new ailment he'd picked up, I knew there was a chance he wouldn't come out again. Now that he's gone, I couldn't really claim I didn't see it coming. And while I know Mom is upset, and will be lonely, this is a relief for her too. Caring for Dad was visibly wearing her down. He was 6'2", and she is only five feet tall, so dressing Dad in the morning and helping him get around the house was a real trial for her, never mind the stress of every medical crisis that came along.

One day at a time.

Thank you all for your expressions of concern. I really appreciate them.