SCCtM: Teaser Trailer

[jeriendhal]

Screw the poll, I’m doing this anyway.

* * *

FADE IN: The 21st Century Foxen logo. Gradually it turns from gold to green, as we hear a Theremin play “Jingle Bells”.


FADE TO: The front yard of GRANDMOTHER’s house, a pleasant looking suburban home in upstate New York, with the first snow of winter coming. Grandmother is upset and being questioned by two COPS.

FIRST COP (Mike Nelson): All right, ma’am. You said that your two grandchildren were kidnapped?

GRANDMOTHER (Pia Zadora): Yes! They took them right out of my backyard!

SECOND COP (Kevin Murphy): Who took them, ma’am?

GRANDMOTHER: The Martians!

FIRST COP: Martians, ma’am?

GRANDMOTHER: Yes! They took them right into their spaceship!

FIRST COP (patiently): How do you know they were Martians, ma’am?

GRANDMOTHER: They were green men in a green flying saucer and they took Billy and Betty up in a bright green beam of light!

(She sees they aren't believing a word of this.)

Oh, don’t look at me like that! You believe in Santa Claus, don’t you?

(The two cops trade a “We’ve got a real nut job here” look)

SECOND COP (exaggerated patience): Ma’am, Santa Claus is real.


CUT TO: Back screen, the Men in Black theme rising in volume as the NARRATOR speaks.

NARRATOR: Coming this holiday season, an out of this world adventure.


CUT TO: NEWSMAN at his desk, addressing the camera.

NEWSMAN (utterly serious): The White House has confirmed that there is no doubt in recent reports. Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Martians.

NARRATOR: As Santa’s workshop goes interplanetary!

CUT TO: KIMAR (Liam Neeson) is addressing SANTA CLAUS (John Goodman) in his throne room.

KIMAR: We need you to provide toys to the children of Mars.

NARRATOR: So get ready for action!


CUT TO: BILLY and BETTY being chased by a CGI polar bear across the North Pole.

NARRATOR: Adventure!


CUT TO: Martian saucer narrowly missing the ISS as it heads towards Earth.

NARRATOR: And magic!


CUT TO: A V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor aircraft cross through the Aurora Borealis, transforming into a life-sized wooden toy duplicate of itself.


CUT TO: Title card, repeated by the Narrator.

Narrator: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!


CUT TO: Santa, standing in front of a mountain of toys, MARTIAN CHILDREN looking up at him adoringly.

SANTA: Ho! Ho! HO! Merry Christmas!


(Music comes to a crescendo, then stops abruptly as the screen CUTS to BLACK for a moment)


CUT TO: CLOSE UP of BULMAR (Tim Curry), looking grumpy.

BULMAR: All this trouble over a fat man in a red suit.

END

Comments

[avanti-90.livejournal.com]

Yay! This is fun. Go ahead and write more!

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

I'll probably start serializing it on July 4th, shooting for a December finish.

[natf.livejournal.com]

SCCtM? I am useless with abbreviations.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." A remake of the holiday "classic" which is going to celebrate its 50th anniversary next year.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Ah right. I have never seen nor heard of the "classic" and imagine that it was not as famous this side of the pond! ;-p

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Likely not. Over here it's mostly famous for being skewered in one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's got the rare trait of being a genuinely awful film that's actually quite watchable, if only to go "Wait, you can see the seam on the polar bear costume's head? Seriously?"

[natf.livejournal.com]

LOL! Ah, okay! I do not feel so deprived, now. ;-p

P.S. I have also not heard of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". We would spell it 'Theatre', anyway. I also am 45 and so have missed some TV from earlier years that my hubby (47) calls "classic" because I was not allowed to watch TV much as a kid and am also ignorant of many more recent TV shows and memes.

Just to add, though, that I did find your story a good read despite my cultural inadequacies.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) Anyway, (deep breath) Mystery Science Theater (shortened to MST3K usually) was a series that started at a local television station in Minneapolis, Minnesota, then was picked up by the national cable channel Comedy Central (and later the Sci-Fi Channel). THe premise was that hapless janitor Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgkins) is shot into orbit by a pair of mad scientists, who attempt to break his brain by forcing him to watch utterly terrible movies. To help cope with the torture, Joel builds several robots (Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo, Gypsy and the never seen Cambot) to watch the movies with him.

Basically while the TV audience watches the movie, Joel (later replaced by head writer Mike Nelson) and a pair of puppet robots appear in silhouette in the bottom right corner of the screen and keep a running commentary going, making jokes about bad special effects, terrible acting, and the risible sexism of old b-movies.

It was one of the most hilarious shows on television. I strongly advise you to search out episodes on either Youtube or BitTorrent. It's well worth watching.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Ah hah! Thank you for taking the time to educate this Brit! I am guessing that the Beavis and Butthead (watched ages ago and never again) episode where they are watching something and shown in a window at the bottom of the screen making jokes about what they are watching is a take on MST3K then.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Righto, only MST3K tended to have smarter commentary. A classic example. (in the sci-fi Channel era, when the original mad scientists were replaced by Pearl and her minions).

[natf.livejournal.com]

Ah hah! ;-p