jeriendhal: (Wazagan)
[personal profile] jeriendhal
I had some free time and was feeling silly. I do think this story is getting overcomplicated though....

* * *

“Everything all right while we were gone?” the dragon mother asked. Miriam tried not to jump. For something as large as the mother was, it seemed very unfair that she could move so quietly.

“How did you get in here?” she demanded.

“The secret back entrance.”

“What secret back entrance?”

“Exactly.”

Miriam shifted the baby, which was asleep and drooling in her arms. “We’re fine. Where’s your son?”

“Quite literally trying to get out of a hole he dug for himself. I’m inclined to leave him to it for a while until I’m sure he’s learned his lesson.” She gestured to the two figures outside the front entrance. Two men were arguing, one dressed in heavy white enameled plate armor, the other wearing not much more than a fur loincloth and a large axe. Though they were far enough away that their voices were indistinct, it was obvious they were engaged in a furious argument, as they waved pieces of parchment at each other. Between them stood the knight’s white horse, its head moving back and forth as the two traded insults, like a spectator at a badminton match. “What’s up with those two?”

“The knight called it a ‘jurisdictional ambiguity.’ He came along intending to rescue me from being imprisoned by dragons, but the barbarian wants to slay me and rescue the baby from the evil sorceress. Who is also me, apparently.”

“Well, you are a sorceress,” the mother noted.

“Not a trained one. And I’m definitely not evil! The knight does think I’m bespelled though.” She tapped the glowing runes encircling her neck. “Which I guess is true, actually.”

The dragon sat down, laying her head between her paws. “Think I should intervene? Or maybe you could hand the baby to the knight and make them figure out who’s going to be in charge of it.”

“No wet nurses, remember? Besides, I wouldn’t want to give it away until I’m sure it’s going to get back its true mother.”

The dragon’s expression grew pained. “About that…”

Miriam looked at her warily. “Yes?”

“You did say the people who abandoned you to be picked up by my son were your parents, right?”

“Of course they were.” She paused, a horrible thought occurring to her. “Weren’t they?”

“Let’s just say that baby isn’t the first one that the Fairy of the Old Tree has stolen.”

Date: 2013-11-11 03:34 pm (UTC)
seawasp: (Poisonous&Venomous)
From: [personal profile] seawasp
HEY! You can't build up to a confrontation like that and do it all off-stage!

Date: 2013-11-11 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jeriendhal.livejournal.com
You may now be getting a hint as to why I've never been professionally published. (aside from my craptacular grammar)

More seriously, I'll get back to the confrontation between Mom and the fairy as soon as I figure out what actually happened...

Date: 2013-11-11 05:41 pm (UTC)
seawasp: (Default)
From: [personal profile] seawasp
I haven't noticed any particular grammar issues; readability of your stuff seems perfectly good.

But yeah, you have to show awesome things like confrontations.

Date: 2013-11-11 06:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ankewehner.livejournal.com
Have a cookie! You used "lay" correctly! :D

Date: 2013-11-11 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] harvey-rrit.livejournal.com
I do like these pieces.

I have maintained for decades now that a dragon who saw Siegfried would be surprised to find an opera with a happy ending.

Seriously. Somebody robs and murders a neighbor in a home invasion, and justice finally prevails.

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