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jeriendhalWatched this on Saturday with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
badasher and moonshadowed. It was much better than I was hoping for.
A hot rod full of hep cats and gals zooms across 1950’s Nevada, passing a couple of trucks full US Army personnel.
Not At All Fake Soldier: Should I smile at them?
Not At All Fake Soldier Old Enough That Indy Could Plausibly Win a Fist Fight With Him: No. Wait, yes. I mean no! Er, yes.
The hot rod passes and the army trucks turn off onto a road leading to a mysterious, super secret air base.
Air Base Guard: Dude, you’re not supposed to be here.
NAAFSOETICPWaFFWH: No kidding.
The soldiers shoot all the guards dead. And the ones in the admin building. And the inside the warehouse. And whoever is stuck running perimeter patrols. And…
George Lucas: Okay, I got it! Just assume it happened.
Russian Colonel (formerly known as NAAFSOETICPWaFFWH): Okay, pull out the guy from the trunk.
Mac: Ow!
Russian Colonel: No, the guy the audience was waiting for.
They pull Indy out in a series of annoying Mysterious Reveal shots even though we know perfectly well who’s starring in this movie.
Indy: Oh, you love me anyway.
Col. Spatsky: Greetings Herr Professor Jones.
Indy: Aren’t you guys supposed to be Russians?
Spatsky: Yes, but this movie’s purposes you can just think of us as Nazis.
Indy: ‘kay. Who are you anyway?
Spatsky: I’m a mysterrrrrrious psychic. I know things others cannot.
Indy: Okay, prove it.
Spatsky: No.
Indy: So you’re not psychic
Spatsky: I am too psychic, I just told you I’m psychic.
Indy (shouts upward): Could we have a little “Show, Not Tell” here, George?
Lucas: Piss off. Steven is as much to blame as I am.
Indy: So what did you drag me here for?
Spatsky: First, everyone in the audience get out their 50’s Atomic Horror bingo cards.
Audience: Got ‘em!
Spatsky: Okay, mark off “Russian Psychic Program”, “Roswell Incident” and “Area 51”.
Indy: Oh great. And we’re in a mysterious warehouse piled high with anonymous boxes. Could someone tell me why the Ark Theme from the first movie is playing?
Spatsky: No idea. We need you to find a leftover from the X-Files.
Indy does something really MacGuyverish with metal shavings and gunpowder and they find an alien body in a box.
Russians: Oh, nifty!
Indy: Oh, FIGHT SCENE!
He sucker punches a couple of guards and grabs Spatsky
Mac: Sorry Indy, I’m the designated traitor in this film. Puts gun to Indy’s head Drop the gun.
Indy: Crap.
Drops the gun, which immediately goes off allowing him to LEAP AWAY, initiating a wild chase through the warehouse, ending with him getting into a fist fight with the Russian Colonel before they both fall onto a rocket sled that launches them off the base.
Indy: Which should have killed us both when it finally decelerated, but who really cares about the laws of physics in these films? What’s next on the bingo card?
George and Steven: Plastic 50’s era idealism and fears about the atomic bomb.
Indy: Which explains this weird mockup Levittown sitting in the middle of the… Nevada… Test Range… Ohshitohshitohshitoh shit!
Takes shelter in a “Lead Lined Fridge” just before the blastwave decimates the town and sends him flying through the air.
Audience: Okay, between the radiation and being flung a half mile though the air how the hell did he survive that?
George and Steven: Let’s just say we’re glad we had him drink from the Grail in the third film.
Indy is questioned by some MIBs from the FBI while the DOD looks on.
MIBs: Commie.
Indy: Am not!
MIBs: Are too!
Indy: Prove it!
MIBs: Don’t have to, these are the fifties.
Indy: Crap.
Army General: Col. Jones is a patriot!
Fanfic Writers: Colonel Jones? Start scribbling in their notebooks.
Spatsky: Check off “Mcarthyism” kids!
Indy goes back to the University, gets fired, angsts about his dad and Marcus Brody and then gets on a train to go to Europe. At least until the kid doing the Brando imitation shows up.
Mutt: Hi, name’s Mutt.
Indy: What kinda name is Mutt?
Mutt: One that should be pretty darned obvious to anyone who’s got a clue.
Exposition in a malt shop (mark Bingo space), leavened by some cute back and forth with a beer bottle between Mutt and Indy.
Mutt: So my mom said you could help me with this weird message my father figure sent her.
Indy: Who’s your mom again?
Mutt: Mari-- ererer… I mean Mario-erererer…
Indy: She’s an Italian plumber?
Mutt: I meant Mary
Indy: Okay… still not getting a clue. Oh, could you punch that frat boy to start a fight and distract the Ruskies?
A Greasers vs. Frat Boy fight starts (Bingo check), while Mutt and Indy take a wild motorcycle ride through town, ending with Marcus Brody saving the day (no, really!)
Brody: I’m not even alive in this movie and I’m kicking ass!
Indy and Mutt head to Peru after figuring out the clue for the Nazca Lines (Bingo check).
Indy: Fortunately I know the obscure local language due to a previous adventure I had with Pancho Villa.
Mutt: Dude, you were in the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles? I loved that show!
Mutt and Indy muck around in a tomb, demonstrate execrable archeological respect for a site, and find the nifty and titular alien Crystal Skull. (bingo check) Then of course they’re captured by the Nazis, er, Russians.
Spatsky: Hi, we’ve got Mutt’s father figure.
Ox: Hi.
Spatsky: And your love interest.
Marion Ravenwood: Hi.
Indy: Hey, I thought Mutt’s mom was Mary Somebody.
Marion: Indy. Get. A. Clue.
TBC
badasher and moonshadowed. It was much better than I was hoping for.A hot rod full of hep cats and gals zooms across 1950’s Nevada, passing a couple of trucks full US Army personnel.
Not At All Fake Soldier: Should I smile at them?
Not At All Fake Soldier Old Enough That Indy Could Plausibly Win a Fist Fight With Him: No. Wait, yes. I mean no! Er, yes.
The hot rod passes and the army trucks turn off onto a road leading to a mysterious, super secret air base.
Air Base Guard: Dude, you’re not supposed to be here.
NAAFSOETICPWaFFWH: No kidding.
The soldiers shoot all the guards dead. And the ones in the admin building. And the inside the warehouse. And whoever is stuck running perimeter patrols. And…
George Lucas: Okay, I got it! Just assume it happened.
Russian Colonel (formerly known as NAAFSOETICPWaFFWH): Okay, pull out the guy from the trunk.
Mac: Ow!
Russian Colonel: No, the guy the audience was waiting for.
They pull Indy out in a series of annoying Mysterious Reveal shots even though we know perfectly well who’s starring in this movie.
Indy: Oh, you love me anyway.
Col. Spatsky: Greetings Herr Professor Jones.
Indy: Aren’t you guys supposed to be Russians?
Spatsky: Yes, but this movie’s purposes you can just think of us as Nazis.
Indy: ‘kay. Who are you anyway?
Spatsky: I’m a mysterrrrrrious psychic. I know things others cannot.
Indy: Okay, prove it.
Spatsky: No.
Indy: So you’re not psychic
Spatsky: I am too psychic, I just told you I’m psychic.
Indy (shouts upward): Could we have a little “Show, Not Tell” here, George?
Lucas: Piss off. Steven is as much to blame as I am.
Indy: So what did you drag me here for?
Spatsky: First, everyone in the audience get out their 50’s Atomic Horror bingo cards.
Audience: Got ‘em!
Spatsky: Okay, mark off “Russian Psychic Program”, “Roswell Incident” and “Area 51”.
Indy: Oh great. And we’re in a mysterious warehouse piled high with anonymous boxes. Could someone tell me why the Ark Theme from the first movie is playing?
Spatsky: No idea. We need you to find a leftover from the X-Files.
Indy does something really MacGuyverish with metal shavings and gunpowder and they find an alien body in a box.
Russians: Oh, nifty!
Indy: Oh, FIGHT SCENE!
He sucker punches a couple of guards and grabs Spatsky
Mac: Sorry Indy, I’m the designated traitor in this film. Puts gun to Indy’s head Drop the gun.
Indy: Crap.
Drops the gun, which immediately goes off allowing him to LEAP AWAY, initiating a wild chase through the warehouse, ending with him getting into a fist fight with the Russian Colonel before they both fall onto a rocket sled that launches them off the base.
Indy: Which should have killed us both when it finally decelerated, but who really cares about the laws of physics in these films? What’s next on the bingo card?
George and Steven: Plastic 50’s era idealism and fears about the atomic bomb.
Indy: Which explains this weird mockup Levittown sitting in the middle of the… Nevada… Test Range… Ohshitohshitohshitoh shit!
Takes shelter in a “Lead Lined Fridge” just before the blastwave decimates the town and sends him flying through the air.
Audience: Okay, between the radiation and being flung a half mile though the air how the hell did he survive that?
George and Steven: Let’s just say we’re glad we had him drink from the Grail in the third film.
Indy is questioned by some MIBs from the FBI while the DOD looks on.
MIBs: Commie.
Indy: Am not!
MIBs: Are too!
Indy: Prove it!
MIBs: Don’t have to, these are the fifties.
Indy: Crap.
Army General: Col. Jones is a patriot!
Fanfic Writers: Colonel Jones? Start scribbling in their notebooks.
Spatsky: Check off “Mcarthyism” kids!
Indy goes back to the University, gets fired, angsts about his dad and Marcus Brody and then gets on a train to go to Europe. At least until the kid doing the Brando imitation shows up.
Mutt: Hi, name’s Mutt.
Indy: What kinda name is Mutt?
Mutt: One that should be pretty darned obvious to anyone who’s got a clue.
Exposition in a malt shop (mark Bingo space), leavened by some cute back and forth with a beer bottle between Mutt and Indy.
Mutt: So my mom said you could help me with this weird message my father figure sent her.
Indy: Who’s your mom again?
Mutt: Mari-- ererer… I mean Mario-erererer…
Indy: She’s an Italian plumber?
Mutt: I meant Mary
Indy: Okay… still not getting a clue. Oh, could you punch that frat boy to start a fight and distract the Ruskies?
A Greasers vs. Frat Boy fight starts (Bingo check), while Mutt and Indy take a wild motorcycle ride through town, ending with Marcus Brody saving the day (no, really!)
Brody: I’m not even alive in this movie and I’m kicking ass!
Indy and Mutt head to Peru after figuring out the clue for the Nazca Lines (Bingo check).
Indy: Fortunately I know the obscure local language due to a previous adventure I had with Pancho Villa.
Mutt: Dude, you were in the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles? I loved that show!
Mutt and Indy muck around in a tomb, demonstrate execrable archeological respect for a site, and find the nifty and titular alien Crystal Skull. (bingo check) Then of course they’re captured by the Nazis, er, Russians.
Spatsky: Hi, we’ve got Mutt’s father figure.
Ox: Hi.
Spatsky: And your love interest.
Marion Ravenwood: Hi.
Indy: Hey, I thought Mutt’s mom was Mary Somebody.
Marion: Indy. Get. A. Clue.
TBC
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 05:04 pm (UTC)So. So. Much.
(Also, a few lines in the entire text went italics'd. Um. Yeah, you know what I mean. Italics fail.)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 05:08 pm (UTC)Although, to be fair, I believe the rocket sled had a water deceleration section.
Watched "Mulholland Falls" this weekend. Which also had a test site with dummies on posts. But that was from 10 years earlier.
Marion: Indy. Get. A. Clue.
That was the whole movie, right there. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:16 pm (UTC)Of course, the other bloke had passed out, so I suppose you have a point. :-)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-18 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-18 08:53 pm (UTC)Fanfic Writers: Colonel Jones? Start scribbling in their notebooks.
I just saw a Stargate/Indiana Jones crossover.
Damn you.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 01:10 am (UTC)