Altered Trajectory, whither Blake?
Oct. 4th, 2010 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeriendhalOkay, a minor plot problem that's driving me nuts, because I'm halfway through writing the next scene and I may end up deleting it. Suggestions would be welcome.
Okay, as it stands I've got a lovely scene from Hazel's POV as she's waking up in her hospital bed...
No, she isn't dead. What do you take me for, for the Den Mother's sake? Like Rufus doesn't have enough angst on his plate already.
Anyway, they're chatting when Admiral Blake comes in we have a scene that once the gooey I'm So Glad You're Alive bits between Rufus and Hazel are finished basically devolves into an extended bit of exposition as most of the plot threads are tied. Necessary, but it's driving me crazy because it starts off good and just drops flat, but I'd rather not trash it completely.
OTOH I've got an alternative take brewing, which seems slightly more satisfying, focusing on Commander Blake sitting in a cell aboard the Falcon Claw getting ready to be sent back to Vulpine Prime for trial after her dad threw her to the Morro Wolves, when she's visited by Ru and Hazel (the latter in a wheelchair for now). We'd get the same information, but with added dash of the old Humiliation Conga which I think readers would like. Except that it would require another POV change, when most of it has been from Ru's viewpoint, just switching to Hazel for critical bits.
Anybody got a deep preference which they would prefer to see?
Okay, as it stands I've got a lovely scene from Hazel's POV as she's waking up in her hospital bed...
No, she isn't dead. What do you take me for, for the Den Mother's sake? Like Rufus doesn't have enough angst on his plate already.
Anyway, they're chatting when Admiral Blake comes in we have a scene that once the gooey I'm So Glad You're Alive bits between Rufus and Hazel are finished basically devolves into an extended bit of exposition as most of the plot threads are tied. Necessary, but it's driving me crazy because it starts off good and just drops flat, but I'd rather not trash it completely.
OTOH I've got an alternative take brewing, which seems slightly more satisfying, focusing on Commander Blake sitting in a cell aboard the Falcon Claw getting ready to be sent back to Vulpine Prime for trial after her dad threw her to the Morro Wolves, when she's visited by Ru and Hazel (the latter in a wheelchair for now). We'd get the same information, but with added dash of the old Humiliation Conga which I think readers would like. Except that it would require another POV change, when most of it has been from Ru's viewpoint, just switching to Hazel for critical bits.
Anybody got a deep preference which they would prefer to see?
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Date: 2010-10-05 11:09 am (UTC)But, if alt.Admiral Blake did get his daughter and she was not captured by the Vulpines/Galapados they would have to ask for extradition - which, depending on the official relationship, might take some time (except if there is something like a GSA-Court or -law concerning crimes of war etc.) or if the humans want to pacify the Vupines she could get there asap.
As I stated: it all depends on who captured her and/or how the human officials handle it (politics...).
mjkj