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The International Woobie Foundation
Nov. 23rd, 2010 06:49 amScene: Fade in to a blank white background, with three familiar figures.
First Figure: Hello, I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson of the United States Stargate Program.
Second Figure: Greetings. I am Lt. Commander Spock of the United Federation of Planets Starfleet.
Third Figure: Wallllll-Eeeee!
Jackson: We are, respectively, a poly-lingual archeologist actively involved in the defense of the planet Earth, a brilliant multi-disciplined scientist and member of a prestigious military...
Spock: ...and scientific.
Jackson (flicks an irritated look at him): ...and scientific organization, and a very small and insanely determined garbage robot.
Spock: By any measure, we are competent, well-trained individuals who are at the top of their respective fields of endeavor.
Jackson: And yet we, and many other fictional characters like us, are subject to intense emotional and physical abuse at the hands of cruel and sadistic scriptwriters. We have seen our loved ones mind-controlled and murdered.
Spock: Our home world destroyed before our eyes.
Jackson: And we have been repeatedly tortured and killed, or in some cases actually crushed alive.
WALL*E (shaking his optical sensors sadly): Squisheee
Spock: Merely to provide emotional catharsis for the fans of entertainment programs.
Jackson: That's why this holiday season, we're urging you to donate to the International Woobie Foundation.
Spock: The International Woobie Foundation is dedicated to providing comfort and support to fictional characters who suffer at the hands of both professional and amateur writers.
Jackson: With your show of support, abused characters such ours will be provided with warm tea and blankets, along with hugs from trained professionals, to help us deal with the torment of being both popular and emotionally vulnerable.
(WALL*E holds up a sign with an 800 number printed on it)
Spock: Call this toll free number to make your contribution today to help.
Jackson: With your generous contribution, woobies such as ourselves will be given what they need to survive this holiday season, and also support research into halting the terror of Hurt/Comfort fics.
Spock: Please, call today.
First Figure: Hello, I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson of the United States Stargate Program.
Second Figure: Greetings. I am Lt. Commander Spock of the United Federation of Planets Starfleet.
Third Figure: Wallllll-Eeeee!
Jackson: We are, respectively, a poly-lingual archeologist actively involved in the defense of the planet Earth, a brilliant multi-disciplined scientist and member of a prestigious military...
Spock: ...and scientific.
Jackson (flicks an irritated look at him): ...and scientific organization, and a very small and insanely determined garbage robot.
Spock: By any measure, we are competent, well-trained individuals who are at the top of their respective fields of endeavor.
Jackson: And yet we, and many other fictional characters like us, are subject to intense emotional and physical abuse at the hands of cruel and sadistic scriptwriters. We have seen our loved ones mind-controlled and murdered.
Spock: Our home world destroyed before our eyes.
Jackson: And we have been repeatedly tortured and killed, or in some cases actually crushed alive.
WALL*E (shaking his optical sensors sadly): Squisheee
Spock: Merely to provide emotional catharsis for the fans of entertainment programs.
Jackson: That's why this holiday season, we're urging you to donate to the International Woobie Foundation.
Spock: The International Woobie Foundation is dedicated to providing comfort and support to fictional characters who suffer at the hands of both professional and amateur writers.
Jackson: With your show of support, abused characters such ours will be provided with warm tea and blankets, along with hugs from trained professionals, to help us deal with the torment of being both popular and emotionally vulnerable.
(WALL*E holds up a sign with an 800 number printed on it)
Spock: Call this toll free number to make your contribution today to help.
Jackson: With your generous contribution, woobies such as ourselves will be given what they need to survive this holiday season, and also support research into halting the terror of Hurt/Comfort fics.
Spock: Please, call today.
