RVA: Shadow of History, In the Park
Oct. 1st, 2015 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jeriendhalTrigger Warnings: Implied self-harm, discussion of child endangerment and suicide
Ali had kept running, out into the street, down the sidewalk, in a straight line away from Neka and Fin’s comfortable, safe little house, wondering when she was going to hear sirens behind her. Eventually she slowed down, her lungs burning, the fight or flight panic induced adrenaline surge fading as the lack of pursuit became evident. She’d run nearly six kilometers she estimated, stopping at the entrance to a pleasant looking wooded park, little paved paths running between the trees leading to secluded picnic and play areas.
She pricked up her ears, listening for sounds of laughter or other signs of children being nearby. When she was certain the park was empty, Ali stepped along one of the paths, turning down a branch randomly. She ended up at a circular wooden picnic table, built around the trunk of a meter wide tree. Hiding around the body of the trunk out of sight from the path, she sat down and began methodically stripping off her weapons. The knives she set aside in their sheaths. The palm stunner and its backup she kept hidden under her vest she pulled out, removed the power cartridges, and then methodically began to strip them down their component parts, until she was sure they were disabled. It took longer than normal. Her paws were shaking so badly that they kept slipping out of her fingers, dropping to the table, until she was finally able to lay out the disassembled bits of each weapon in a pair of neat lines parallel with the table’s wooden boards.
Once that was accomplished, Ali just stared at the striated lines running up and down the tree trunk, listening the leaves rustling the slight breeze. Her mind kept spinning back to the look of surprise and terror in the faces of Nav and Ned, over the sights of her stunner. She couldn’t remember the moment between them bursting into the room with the toy weapons in their paws, and her aiming the very real one in her palm at them. The act of dropping it from its hidden sleeve holster into her waiting, eager paw, had been entirely unconscious, un-thought, instinctual. Why?
Because children are the enemy, and it’s my job to hunt them down. I’d just chosen to forget that. Salli makes it easy to forget that.
There was a quiet cough to her right, and Ali whirled, fingers arching to expose her claws. Standing a cautious two meters out of Ali’s reach was Fin, dressed in their civil protection uniform, one paw resting lightly on the stun stick holstered at their hip. She took in a shuddering breath, tried to relax her fingers, and rested her paws in her lap where Fin could see them.
After an awkward few seconds of silence, she finally said, “How did you find me?”
“Razi saw which way you ran, so I called in a Suspicious Character flag, and CP tracked you on the public surveillance network.”
“So why are you here instead of an armed response squad?”
“Haven’t called them in yet,” Fin said. They didn’t take their fingers off the stun stick though.
“Why not?”
“Officer on the scene is evaluating the situation,” they replied laconically. Fin pointed to the knives and dissembled stunners. “Quite the armory. You always get kitted out like that when going to a family reunion?”
“I’m always armed,” Ali replied, adding after a moment, “Usually I have a plasma pistol and a Bowie knife when I’m on Greenholme though.”
The CP snorted. “Lucky for Nav and Ned you didn’t bring those along.”
“Yah.” She turned her face away from Fin. “How are they?”
Fin shrugged. “They were a bit startled, seeing how you pulled a weapon on them and then ran. Once I told them your weapon was just a stunner, they were disappointed you didn’t use it on them. So I told them they were a couple of idiots, confiscated their toy guns, and sent them back to their room.”
Ali gripped her right forearm with her other paw, digging her claws in. “I could have killed them.”
“You didn’t,” Fin pointed out.
“At point blank range, aimed at a target with just a cub’s mass, with the stunner set to the heaviest setting? I could have shut down their nervous systems if I’d hit either of them, or induced permanent brain damage if I’d made a head shot.” She dug her claws in deeper, wishing she could tear her arm open and let it all bleed out.
“Yes,” was Fin’s only reply.
“So why aren’t you arresting me?” Ali demanded.
“As I said, I’m still evaluating the situation.” Fin let their paw drop away from their stun stick. “You keep digging your claws into your arm like that, you’re going to start bleeding. Then I’ll have to at least call an ambulance.”
“Fuck you,” Ali spat, releasing her arm.
Fin smiled slightly. “You’ll have to better than that to insult a CP. I’ve heard it all, trust me.”
She rubbed her ears in frustration. “Would you stop being reasonable at me! I almost killed your children! You should be furious!”
“I’ll admit my first instinct when you pulled that stunner on them was to rip your throat out with my fangs, but then I got a good look at your posture. Your eyes were wide, your ears were back, and your tail was floofed out so much I could have used it for a push broom. You were frightened to death at what you’d nearly done.”
“Of course I was!” Ali shut her eyes tight, and gulped back a sob.
She felt Fin sit down on the bench near her. “I talked a bit with Razi after you ran off. Got a few more details of just what that pirate made you do after your family was killed.”
Eyes still closed, Ali replied, “I should have died back then. It would have made things so much easier.”
“Wrong answer,” Fin said firmly.
“It's cheat, I know.” Ali opened her eyes again, rubbing the sleeve of her blouse over them. “Won't say it isn't tempting.”
Fin was quiet for almost a full minute. “How many times?” they finally asked.
Ali considered the question, and whether to answer with a comforting lie. No. Fin's questions were honest, like the children's. They deserved an honest answer. “Couple of times,” she admitted. “Once when I was with Bloody Margo's crew. Tried to open a vein in the shower. I got it wrong. You have to run it down your arm, not across the wrist. So when they caught me I got dragged down by the scruff of my neck to the infirmary to get bandaged up, and lost my share of the next raid.”
“How old were you?”
“Ten,” she said. Fin just winced. “The second time was after I was captured by the Red Vixen, and made her slave. I was sixteen, and had only been with her crew for a few months. On probation basically, so I didn't have general access to the armory. It was pretty rough for a while. The Scarlet Claw's crew didn't know what I'd done exactly, but they knew I'd been part of Margo's crew, which was a pretty big black mark to start with. So one shift, when it was just got to be too much, I walked into an airlock without a suit on and tried to cycle it. I hadn't buggered the telltales the right way and they saw me trying to open it up on the bridge. Got dragged out of the lock and chewed out pretty good by the Red Vixen. After a few more weeks I got a chance to prove myself to her and the rest of the crew, and things got better after that.”
“Does Lady Sallivera know about that?” Fin asked.
Ali shook her head. “She's got enough of her own troubles to deal with, and it's ancient history anyway.” She the CP a sharp look. “How do you know...? How do you know to ask these find of questions?”
“I'm a CP, comes with the job training. And I have done my Service tour. Mostly as an MP, but I saw some action.” Fin rubbed the tip of their black nose. “Post-traumatic stress is something they teach you about in the military. How to recognize it in yourself and others, and how to deal with it. If your Lady Sallivera had done a tour in the Military service, maybe she would have seen what was happening to herself a little better.”
“I never thought of it that way.” Ali gnawed on her lip for a minute, then said, “Thank you, for not being angry.”
“A lot of training went into how to do my job without getting angry,” Fin said. “Not to mention trigger discipline, which I’ll note you held pretty well.”
“Thanks,” she repeated, then said more glumly, “I assume Neka is still upset?”
Fin nodded. “Razi is calming her down. I expect she'll be back to normal by the time we get back. I love her, but when it comes to the cubs she can be a bit nervy. Why don’t you put your armory back together and we’ll go back and let her know everything will be all right.”
“Will it?” Ali asked, as she began reassembling the stunners.
“Only way to find out is to go see her again.”
Ali had kept running, out into the street, down the sidewalk, in a straight line away from Neka and Fin’s comfortable, safe little house, wondering when she was going to hear sirens behind her. Eventually she slowed down, her lungs burning, the fight or flight panic induced adrenaline surge fading as the lack of pursuit became evident. She’d run nearly six kilometers she estimated, stopping at the entrance to a pleasant looking wooded park, little paved paths running between the trees leading to secluded picnic and play areas.
She pricked up her ears, listening for sounds of laughter or other signs of children being nearby. When she was certain the park was empty, Ali stepped along one of the paths, turning down a branch randomly. She ended up at a circular wooden picnic table, built around the trunk of a meter wide tree. Hiding around the body of the trunk out of sight from the path, she sat down and began methodically stripping off her weapons. The knives she set aside in their sheaths. The palm stunner and its backup she kept hidden under her vest she pulled out, removed the power cartridges, and then methodically began to strip them down their component parts, until she was sure they were disabled. It took longer than normal. Her paws were shaking so badly that they kept slipping out of her fingers, dropping to the table, until she was finally able to lay out the disassembled bits of each weapon in a pair of neat lines parallel with the table’s wooden boards.
Once that was accomplished, Ali just stared at the striated lines running up and down the tree trunk, listening the leaves rustling the slight breeze. Her mind kept spinning back to the look of surprise and terror in the faces of Nav and Ned, over the sights of her stunner. She couldn’t remember the moment between them bursting into the room with the toy weapons in their paws, and her aiming the very real one in her palm at them. The act of dropping it from its hidden sleeve holster into her waiting, eager paw, had been entirely unconscious, un-thought, instinctual. Why?
Because children are the enemy, and it’s my job to hunt them down. I’d just chosen to forget that. Salli makes it easy to forget that.
There was a quiet cough to her right, and Ali whirled, fingers arching to expose her claws. Standing a cautious two meters out of Ali’s reach was Fin, dressed in their civil protection uniform, one paw resting lightly on the stun stick holstered at their hip. She took in a shuddering breath, tried to relax her fingers, and rested her paws in her lap where Fin could see them.
After an awkward few seconds of silence, she finally said, “How did you find me?”
“Razi saw which way you ran, so I called in a Suspicious Character flag, and CP tracked you on the public surveillance network.”
“So why are you here instead of an armed response squad?”
“Haven’t called them in yet,” Fin said. They didn’t take their fingers off the stun stick though.
“Why not?”
“Officer on the scene is evaluating the situation,” they replied laconically. Fin pointed to the knives and dissembled stunners. “Quite the armory. You always get kitted out like that when going to a family reunion?”
“I’m always armed,” Ali replied, adding after a moment, “Usually I have a plasma pistol and a Bowie knife when I’m on Greenholme though.”
The CP snorted. “Lucky for Nav and Ned you didn’t bring those along.”
“Yah.” She turned her face away from Fin. “How are they?”
Fin shrugged. “They were a bit startled, seeing how you pulled a weapon on them and then ran. Once I told them your weapon was just a stunner, they were disappointed you didn’t use it on them. So I told them they were a couple of idiots, confiscated their toy guns, and sent them back to their room.”
Ali gripped her right forearm with her other paw, digging her claws in. “I could have killed them.”
“You didn’t,” Fin pointed out.
“At point blank range, aimed at a target with just a cub’s mass, with the stunner set to the heaviest setting? I could have shut down their nervous systems if I’d hit either of them, or induced permanent brain damage if I’d made a head shot.” She dug her claws in deeper, wishing she could tear her arm open and let it all bleed out.
“Yes,” was Fin’s only reply.
“So why aren’t you arresting me?” Ali demanded.
“As I said, I’m still evaluating the situation.” Fin let their paw drop away from their stun stick. “You keep digging your claws into your arm like that, you’re going to start bleeding. Then I’ll have to at least call an ambulance.”
“Fuck you,” Ali spat, releasing her arm.
Fin smiled slightly. “You’ll have to better than that to insult a CP. I’ve heard it all, trust me.”
She rubbed her ears in frustration. “Would you stop being reasonable at me! I almost killed your children! You should be furious!”
“I’ll admit my first instinct when you pulled that stunner on them was to rip your throat out with my fangs, but then I got a good look at your posture. Your eyes were wide, your ears were back, and your tail was floofed out so much I could have used it for a push broom. You were frightened to death at what you’d nearly done.”
“Of course I was!” Ali shut her eyes tight, and gulped back a sob.
She felt Fin sit down on the bench near her. “I talked a bit with Razi after you ran off. Got a few more details of just what that pirate made you do after your family was killed.”
Eyes still closed, Ali replied, “I should have died back then. It would have made things so much easier.”
“Wrong answer,” Fin said firmly.
“It's cheat, I know.” Ali opened her eyes again, rubbing the sleeve of her blouse over them. “Won't say it isn't tempting.”
Fin was quiet for almost a full minute. “How many times?” they finally asked.
Ali considered the question, and whether to answer with a comforting lie. No. Fin's questions were honest, like the children's. They deserved an honest answer. “Couple of times,” she admitted. “Once when I was with Bloody Margo's crew. Tried to open a vein in the shower. I got it wrong. You have to run it down your arm, not across the wrist. So when they caught me I got dragged down by the scruff of my neck to the infirmary to get bandaged up, and lost my share of the next raid.”
“How old were you?”
“Ten,” she said. Fin just winced. “The second time was after I was captured by the Red Vixen, and made her slave. I was sixteen, and had only been with her crew for a few months. On probation basically, so I didn't have general access to the armory. It was pretty rough for a while. The Scarlet Claw's crew didn't know what I'd done exactly, but they knew I'd been part of Margo's crew, which was a pretty big black mark to start with. So one shift, when it was just got to be too much, I walked into an airlock without a suit on and tried to cycle it. I hadn't buggered the telltales the right way and they saw me trying to open it up on the bridge. Got dragged out of the lock and chewed out pretty good by the Red Vixen. After a few more weeks I got a chance to prove myself to her and the rest of the crew, and things got better after that.”
“Does Lady Sallivera know about that?” Fin asked.
Ali shook her head. “She's got enough of her own troubles to deal with, and it's ancient history anyway.” She the CP a sharp look. “How do you know...? How do you know to ask these find of questions?”
“I'm a CP, comes with the job training. And I have done my Service tour. Mostly as an MP, but I saw some action.” Fin rubbed the tip of their black nose. “Post-traumatic stress is something they teach you about in the military. How to recognize it in yourself and others, and how to deal with it. If your Lady Sallivera had done a tour in the Military service, maybe she would have seen what was happening to herself a little better.”
“I never thought of it that way.” Ali gnawed on her lip for a minute, then said, “Thank you, for not being angry.”
“A lot of training went into how to do my job without getting angry,” Fin said. “Not to mention trigger discipline, which I’ll note you held pretty well.”
“Thanks,” she repeated, then said more glumly, “I assume Neka is still upset?”
Fin nodded. “Razi is calming her down. I expect she'll be back to normal by the time we get back. I love her, but when it comes to the cubs she can be a bit nervy. Why don’t you put your armory back together and we’ll go back and let her know everything will be all right.”
“Will it?” Ali asked, as she began reassembling the stunners.
“Only way to find out is to go see her again.”
