Royce's Random Thoughts

So, assuming Bruce is eternally 35 in any baseline DC continuity, and his parents murder occurs when he was 8 as per the usual canon, that means the defining event happened in 1988, assuming "now" is 2015.

Exactly how many more Crisis reboots are going to happen before there's a storyline centered around Alfred's criminal levels of parental neglect for failing to get young Master Bruce proper psychological counseling after his trauma?

Gotham Correctional Administration

Parole Hearing for Joseph Chill

February 23rd, 201-


“Good afternoon. I'm Officer Bruce Wayne. Twenty-five years ago, the man before you today murdered my father, Thomas Wayne, and my mother, Martha Wayne, in front of my eyes. They were each shot twice with a .38 caliber revolver, for the pearls my mother wore around her neck. I was eight years old. No child should lose their parents like that.

( Never )

Just had one of my DA friends ask me to write up a proper "Issue #0" script for her to attempt to illustrate as a skills project. :)

Scene: A UHF television studio in Gotham. Wayne, smiling slightly, is watching from the side as Jack (this universe’s version of the Joker) dressed as a Jack Sparrow expy, addresses a studio of full of happy young children.

Narration: WGC Studios, 7:58am, Liaison with parolee.

Jack: Well kids, looks like it’s time for ol’ Captain Clown to sail back home!

Children: Awww!

Jack: But don’t be sad, I’ll be here tomorrow! Same Clown Time, same Clown Channel! Goodbye!

Children: GOODBYE, CAPTAIN CLOWN!

Jack takes a bow and heads off stage, meeting Wayne.

Jack: Hey there, Officer Friendly! So glad you could make it!

Wayne: (amused) Hi , Jack. Looks like you’re enjoying your new job.

Jack: You bet! It’s been great! All these years trying to be a comedian and it seems I’ve been talking to the wrong audiences. Turns out, when you’re talking to eight-year olds, the cornier your jokes are, the better!

Wayne: Great to hear. But you said you had something important you wanted to tell me?

Jack: Oh, yes! I owe you so much, getting this job for me, and giving a good word to the parole board, that I wanted you to be the first to hear the good news.

Moves in closer to whisper melodramatically

(cont.) I’m getting married! My therapist and I were getting so well that I decided to take a chance and pop the question, and she said YES!.

Wayne: (shakes Jack’s hand) Congratulations, Jack. I’m sure you and Dr. Young will be very happy together….

* * *

NOTES:
“Captain Clown” refers to one of the odder one shot villains from Batman: TAS an android used by the Joker in the episode The Last Laugh.

Dr. Young appeared as a regretful (and soon dead) ally of the Joker in the video game, Batman, Arkham Asylum. Given their mutual interest in chemistry and her questionable medical ethics, this might not be a good thing….

So who would take the World's Greatest Detective's role in the JL, if Bruce never became Bats? Because the only other candidate that comes close from what I remember of DC's cast is The Question, and that would make for some interesting dynamics on that team.

"Please, I look through everyone's garbage."

Incident Report: July 31st, 19--

Location: Ace Chemical Plant, Gotham North

Officer on Scene: Bruce Wayne

Report: Officer responded to a report of tripped alarm at Ace Chemical Plant. Two individuals found loitering outside the west entrance to the plant inside the fenced perimeter, without company ID. When confronted both individuals drew pistols and fired on officer. Both were physically subdued (see Appendix One, Listing of Suspect Injuries) and arrested.

Officer entered plant after calling for backup. A third intruder dressed in a tuxedo, a red tinted helmet and red cape was located on the catwalks above the mixing vat, heading towards the rear offices. Suspect appeared to be unarmed. Officer climbed onto catwalk to confront suspect. Suspect reacted with surprise, tripping over their cape and plunging into a chemical vat, and subsequently requiring rescue and treatment for severe chemical burns after arrest.

Officer would like to note the extremely poor safety standards at the plant, which included waist high guardrails that fail to protect individuals on the catwalks, and open chemical vats without sufficient building ventilation. Officer recommends the situation be forwarded to OSHA.

* * *

It was funny. It was just so damned funny.... What kind of cop starts a conversation with “So I understand you've had a bad day.”

“HeheheheHAHAHAHAHhehehehe.... Gee, you think?!” He waved a chalk white hand, cuffed to the railing of his hospital bed, at the cop. “I'm a walking freakshow now!”

“Maroni's thugs identified you,” the cop said. “I understand that your wife died today, late yesterday rather. I'm sorry for your loss.”

“Heheheheh.... Yup, Jenny, my kid... But hey, I've got my health, and my looks have certainly improved!” He sniggered. He ought to be screaming, shouldn't he? But all that was coming out was giggles.

“Sir, I understand you're in shock, but I need you to tell me everything you can about what Maroni's thugs wanted you to do. We've got them on ice in the lockup, but Maroni's lawyers will have them out by mid-morning, unless we can get a statement from you linking them to your attempted break-in.”

“Oh, let the weasels go. Joke's on them if Maroni plugs 'em for screwing up!”

“Sir, please...”

“Look at me, you idiot! It doesn't matter now! HEHAHAHAHA! Nothing matters!”

The cop's hand shot out, grabbing his. It was large, strong, and chalk white from his fingertips, up his forearm, almost to the elbow. “It matters,” the cop said softly.

Distracted by this sight, he asked, “What happened to you, buddy?”

“I pulled you out of that vat. Got the same burns you did.”

“Well that was silly thing to do! Why didn't you just let me drown?”

“Because you're alive, and you matter.” The cop's eyes were practically smoldering with some intense inner vision. “You can take all the pain you've had dropped on you today, and give up, let it take over, use as an excuse, and let it turn you into a monster. Or you can let it burn you, purify you, into something better.”

He snickered. The laughter inside him was subsiding, just a bit. He couldn't exactly wear a straight face anymore, but at least he was able to listen, at least as long as the cop was amusing. “What do you know about pain and fire, Officer Friendly?”

The cop took in a deep breath, his hand still gripping tight. “Let me tell you about the bad day I had once.”

"I want to serve the public, sir," Wayne replied.

"Last time i checked, the Wayne Foundation gave away almost half a billion dollars to charity last year," Gordon said. "How is placing your life at risk by going out onto the streets helping any more?"

Wayne seemed to consider this seriously for a long moment. "Sir, that's just handing out cash. Anyone can do it. Walking the beat, serving the public directly, that means something. If there had been a cop..." He seemed to catch himself and shut up.

"Your parents, I know the story. So this is some form of penance for not being able to protect them?"

"No, sir." Wayne paused, gathering his thoughts again. "I had... a lot of foolish ideas... when I was travelling overseas, about how to extract vengeance from the predators that hunt innocent victims out there. I finally came to the conclusion that I'd prefer to help the cause of justice, rather than pursue some form of purely personal satisfaction. Otherwise it could have been a very long and lonely war."