My Political Platform

[jeriendhal]

In the grand tradition of tea party idiots third party candidates, I have decided to enter the run for Maryland State Senate. As I haven't actually registered, created a political party, campaigned or debated any of my opponents, I fully expect to lose. But my moral victory will be high!

To that end, let me introduce you to the Reality Party. This party takes a hard look at the world and say "Our opinion of how things are is just as badly misinformed as anyone else's, but we say it in a smooth, officious, condescending manner, which makes it carry much greater weight than yours.

Our Platform:

1. We believe Taxes Happen. You like that bus service, state medicaid, police officer, recently repaved highway, library computer, ect that you just made use of? Guess what, they COST MONEY. Where does the state GET money? Why from TAXES. Either right from you, or from your kids twenty years from now when the loans come due. Get used to 'em. And if you've got more money than your neighbor, maybe you shouldn't whine so much that you pay more. If you're making more than me (not too hard these days) I've got zero sympathy.

2. Regulation Is Good. Don't believe me? Google "Company Town", "Matewan Massacre", "Teapot Dome Scandal" or just "Robber Baron." If after that you say one WORD about corporate honesty, I shall laugh at you.

3. Teh Gay is Not Contagious: Two people love each other and want to get married. So what if they're guys? Their marriage doesn't make YOURS invalid. You're not going to get gay cooties from it, and your possibly gay offspring is just going to grow up screwed up in the head (or a Republican congressman) if you insist what they are is sinful by the definition of a book written two thousand years ago.

Also, two girls kissing is kinda hot no matter who you are.

4. State Slots Are Bad: Yes, they're a cheap way of getting massive state funding. By directly siphoning money from idiots poorly educated people who don't understand basic probability statistics. At least if you tax them they know who's really screwing them

5. Drug Are Bad, M'kay: Yes Marijuana isn't as bad as other drugs. It still screws up your perceptions and is at least as addictive as tobacco and alcohol. If you have to numb your senses to enjoy yourself, I have no pity for you.

6. Freedom of Religion/Speech isn't just for your religion/opinion. Even if the other guy is kinda swarthy or his wife wears a burqa, or he home schools his kid and thinks Jesus is to die for. Deal.

7. A guy who graduated from college with a C+ average is perfectly suited for public office. (I hope)

VOTE FOR ME! (unless you like someone else)

Comments

[chewipaka.livejournal.com]

5. Drug Are Bad, M'kay: Yes Marijuana isn't as bad as other drugs. It still screws up your fucking perceptions and is at least as addictive as tobacco and alcohol.

But since we legalize and tax tobacco and alcohol, I think we should legalize and tax marijuana. That way we can crack down on the motherfuckers who deal crystal meth and ignore the more or less harmless marijuana farms.

That, and marijuana has been shown to be effective with dulling the effects of chemo, and this is a very important topic to me right now.

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

I have nothing against medical marijuana, for the same reason I don't object addictive medical drugs such Oxycontin, if properly dispensed and regulated. Please note that California's experiment in the above qualifies as neither.

I'm not particularly happy with tobacco or alcohol either, but fighting the latter at least is a losing proposition, as we learned in the 1920's.

Yeah, I'm a prude.

[chewipaka.livejournal.com]

Eh, you're better than most of the people in elected office. I'd grumble about your stance on drug use (hey, you're for legalizing medical marijuana? I'd vote for you in a heartbeat right there), still I'd vote for you above my current governor (that bastard) or even my senator who supposedly is inline with my political views. Except for the whole "I'm totally not going to oppose discrimination based on your sexual orientation!" and "DADT should never be reppealed" stances, so you're already one up on him. Two up with legalizing medical marijuana!

[ankewehner.livejournal.com]

Might be that cannabis is actually LESS addictiong than tobacco and alcohol.
it's just quoted on wikipedia; the source is in print rather than online

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Also, two girls kissing is kinda hot no matter who you are.

You kind of lost me there [g]. But I like the rest of it pretty well...

[feonixrift.livejournal.com]

Alas, I am not in Maryland. I like your platform.

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

I would remind you that MD does have the option to write-in a candidate. Be careful waht you wish for (you have my vote)

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Hurrah! That'll make one.

What? You don't think I'd be stupid enough to vote for myself?

[lilfluff.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind that "write in" does not necessarily mean write in anyone. They actually had a piece on the local write in candidate laws on the local NPR station during the last presidential election.

At least locally, candidates who want to run as a write in candidate must still register and still have to get a minimum number of pre-election petition signatures. As near as I could tell, all the write in process did was allow you to still run if you either didn't make it through your party's primary election or if for some reason your name wasn't going to be pre-printed on the ballot (IIRC you still had to hand in your petition signatures on the same deadline as everyone else, miss that and any write in vote for you on the ballot would simply be considered an invalid vote and ignored).

[ankewehner.livejournal.com]

I wonder if you noticed that you wrote as if Freedom of Religion/Speech was only for men. :D

[xinef.livejournal.com]

I'd vote for someone with that platform!

[allyra.livejournal.com]

Run in Virginia, please....

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

You couldn't bribe me provide enough political contributions for me to move down there...

[allyra.livejournal.com]

Awwww, we're not THAT bad! *sob*

[chewipaka.livejournal.com]

This is true! I actually live in one of the more liberal areas, which are filled with slightly more logic than the republican areas! Unfortunately, it also means we get candidate ads for the District of Columbia, and OMG those things are gross.