jeriendhal | My Political Platform

In the grand tradition of ~~tea party idiots~~ third party candidates, I have decided to enter the run for Maryland State Senate. As I haven't actually registered, created a political party, campaigned or debated any of my opponents, I fully expect to lose. But my moral victory will be high!

To that end, let me introduce you to the Reality Party. This party takes a hard look at the world and say "Our opinion of how things are is just as badly misinformed as anyone else's, but we say it in a smooth, officious, condescending manner, which makes it carry much greater weight than yours.

Our Platform:

1. We believe Taxes Happen. You like that bus service, state medicaid, police officer, recently repaved highway, library computer, ect that you just made use of? Guess what, they COST MONEY. Where does the state GET money? Why from TAXES. Either right from you, or from your kids twenty years from now when the loans come due. Get used to 'em. And if you've got more money than your neighbor, maybe you shouldn't whine so much that you pay more. If you're making more than me (not too hard these days) I've got zero sympathy.

2. Regulation Is Good. Don't believe me? Google "Company Town", "Matewan Massacre", "Teapot Dome Scandal" or just "Robber Baron." If after that you say one WORD about corporate honesty, I shall laugh at you.

3. Teh Gay is Not Contagious: Two people love each other and want to get married. So what if they're guys? Their marriage doesn't make YOURS invalid. You're not going to get gay cooties from it, and your possibly gay offspring is just going to grow up screwed up in the head (or a Republican congressman) if you insist what they are is sinful by the definition of a book written two thousand years ago.

Also, two girls kissing is kinda hot no matter who you are.

4. State Slots Are Bad: Yes, they're a cheap way of getting massive state funding. By directly siphoning money from ~~idiots~~ poorly educated people who don't understand basic probability statistics. At least if you tax them they know who's really screwing them

5. Drug Are Bad, M'kay: Yes Marijuana isn't as bad as other drugs. It still screws up your perceptions and is at least as addictive as tobacco and alcohol. If you have to numb your senses to enjoy yourself, I have no pity for you.

6. Freedom of Religion/Speech isn't just for your religion/opinion. Even if the other guy is kinda swarthy or his wife wears a burqa, or he home schools his kid and thinks Jesus is to die for. Deal.

7. A guy who graduated from college with a C+ average is perfectly suited for public office. (I hope)

VOTE FOR ME! (unless you like someone else)