Royce's Random Thoughts

SCENE: A spaceport bar. Lance, Leeza, Terinu and Rufus are hanging about at the bar, dressed for a casual evening out. Except for Rufus, who's wearing one of Melika's old cabaret costumes. He's looking rather smug at the moment and Lance is just annoyed.


Leeza: You lost the bet, Lance. Now be a good loser and pay up.

Lance (sighing): Right. It was a fiver for every pass Rufus got, right?

Terinu: Ten.

Lance: And he's gotten four so far.

Rufus: Ahem. Five, thank you. Three lads and two girls.

Lance: The twins were together!

Leeza: They still count separately, even if it was an offer of both at once. Now quit whinging and start paying for our tab.

Rufus: Face it, son. Even in a dress I'm still hot.

Terinu: I thought he was pretty hot before. (everyone stares) WHAT?

(Rufus Brushtail. Even straight men would find him attractive.)

Mostly because Wazagan biology pretty much precludes the Crappy Romance genre.


Nan picked up the book reader out of the dozing Nez's hands and read it out loud, ""Oh, great Saladin," Fatima breathed. "As you have conquered Jerusalem, let me open myself to you so that may conquer my...""

"Gimme that!" Nez cried out, snatching the reader back.

* * *

To put it in perspective, this is equivalent to someone writing a hot romance novel between some random lady and George Washington just after the Battle of Valley Forge. Rule 34 being what it is, I'm sure someone has done it, I'm just really not interested in reading it.

Though admittedly, if it were Ben Franklin, it would be entirely in character.

Hazel: Wimping out on NaNoWriMo again, author boy?

Me: Like I've ever been able to pump out 1,200 words a day for any consistent period.

Hazel: Whatever. I need you to write something for me though.

Me: I'm already working on Altered Trajectory.

Hazel: Yeah, but I need you to come up with something else. I want to find out what alt-Hazel is like.

Me: Alt-Hazel?

Hazel: Yeah, me in the canon Terinu universe.

Me: Technically speaking, she'd just be Hazel. You're the alt. Actualy both of you would be since nothing I write in either universe is canon anyway.

Hazel: I still want to know what she's like.

Me: (sighs) Look, I'm sure if chaypeta ever does a crowd or big briefing room scene when the story moves aboard the [SPOILER] you'll show up.

Hazel: So I'm still a fighter pilot then.

Me: I didn't say that.

Hazel: And I've got all my orignal body parts?

Me: No promises.

Hazel: This is the "Everybody's lives don't suck (aside from Terinu)" universe, so I would still have my leg and my commission. Oh, and my mom is still live too.

Me: No promises!

Hazel: And I married Rolas because he'd be there too (and his Countess wouldn't be such a bitch.)

Me: Go back in the prop box, Hazel!

The prompt from kikibug13 was If you want a crack-ish challenge, try for Leeza/Andrea. Possibly either ice-cream or bathtub, as prompt

No bathtub, but there is ice cream and bondage involved.

( It's not like THAT )

Maria looked cautiously into the crate, pulling out a sheaf of papers. "It's from Andrea."

Tez, a not wholly unwarranted feeling of dread creeping up his spine, asked, "What's the letter say?"

"'Congratulations on the new baby. Here's a little something I put together for you to remind Tez to carry his share of the load. All my love, Andrea'"

"That seems a bit short. What's the rest of those papers."

Maria raised an eyebrow as she shuffled through them. Then she smiled. "The instruction manual."

This is the last I'm saying on this particular subject.

Really.

( Arr! )

Leeza: Hey you!

Me: What?

Leeza: I need you to write a romance story for me.

Me: Um, okay. Who's going star in it?

Leeza: Me, moron.

Me: What are y' talking to me for then? chaypeta is your creator.

Leeza: Oh, like she's going to be able to shoehorn another subplot into the main continuity. The only hope I've got is fanfic.

Me: What's bringing this on all of the sudden?

Leeza: Everybody else has got a romance subplot. We've got Terinu and Gwen and maybe Matt, Rufus and Melika, Lance and Alexia...

Lance: Why do people keep bringing that up?

Leeza: Hush, you. Nova! Even Gisko, the chief flunky of the main villian, has had some good luvin'. I want some for me, darn it!

Me: (sighs) Look, Leeza, I understand your frustration, but I don't think you're cut out for romance.

Leeza: What do you mean?

Me: It's just that... well, you're an engineer.

Leeza: I'm sorry, what?

Me: You're an engineer, Leeza. You're just not the romantic type. You're job is to fix the stardrive and be vaguely maternal towards Terinu. You don't really have the personality for romance.

Leeza: I can to be romantic!

Me: Let's put it this way. Did you ever date when you were at university?

Leeza: Um, yeah, of course I did.

Me: Bearing in mind that working on a project with your lab partner is not a date.

Leeza: Oh, fine, if you're going to get picky.

Me: Besides, historically speaking, there's a mixed bag with romantic engineers in sci-fi. I mean, just name some.

Leeza: Scotty

Me: Got possessed by the ghost of Jack the Ripper and murdered his girlfriend.

Leeza: Geordi LaForge.

Me: Fell in love with a hologram of a female engineer, then totally made a fool himself when the flesh and blood version showed up.

Leeza: B'lanna

Me: Do you really want to use a character from ST: Voyager as an example of anything?

Leeza: Okay, point. Moving on. Other series... Er, um, Kaylee Frye

Me: Who's choices in boyfriends was shown to be either a skanky tattooed guy or Simple Simon. You know, the guy who stuck his sister in a refrigerator?

Leeza: Fine, fine. Okay, fine. What about that chick from SG-1? You can't tell me she hasn't had some fine romances!

Me: You mean Samantha "Black Widow" Carter?

Leeza: Oh, come on. You've got to come up with something for me!

Me: I'll see what I can figure out.

Leeza: Thank you!

Me: I mean, I know there's at least one other of the good guy characters that hasn't hooked up with someone.

Leeza: Who? I mean, there's Joleen and um... Joleen?

Me: (evil grin) I'll get right on it.